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I'm not sure what to do. My daughter and my husband have no bond..... Help.

My husband is in the military and was gone for most of her pregnancy and then from the time she was a week until she was about 3 months. Then off and on for short bits from then until she was about 18 months and then he was gone for 6 months and then from 2 until 3 1/2 he's been gone a total of 6 months off and on. He's been gone for half her life and pregnancy. So of course she isn't use to him being around all that much and has grown up so far so she is use to it being us and relys on me for everything. My husband missed all of those bonding times as well and recently has told me that he doesn't love her like he loves our youngest (who he has been home for all of it so far except 2 monts). He tries but they just but heads. He isn't a bad dad at all. He tries to take her out just them and get her involved in different things he is doing. But it just doesn't seem to work. Anyone else ever have this problem? Please help.


Asked by MizAnn at 10:31 AM on Jun. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (4)
  • Maybe if you gave her a 8x10 of him.and told her lots of times that her daddy loves her more than the whole world.Maybe she would start to think that way.It isn't his fault.that is just military life.Or he could send her presents while he was gone.It isn't too late.she is still young enough to fix this.

    Answer by evelynwest at 10:38 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • aww well it may be a combo of the time they spent apart and also i have been told that when a soldier leaves and comes back its hard for them to adjust, so maybe you could just ask him what he thinks you can do to help or maybe you can talk to your daughter and tell her how hard dad is trying to have fun with her and ask somethings that she would like him to do with her.

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 10:40 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Bonds are harder to forge as the child gets older. I can only suggest that he keeps at it. Maybe there is something that he truly loves, some kind of hobby, have him get involved in participating with him, the more time that they spend together the easier it will be! Hope it gets better =)

    Answer by momof4qtz at 10:40 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • OP- When he's gone she has a (what she calls) Daddy bear with a hoodie on with his picture on it. Also we put pictures of him all over and she has her own small photo album of them to carry around. Also when he gets home from being away there is an adjusting time. It is usually a few weeks or so before we all adjust to being back together. They both get so irritated and frustrated with each other when trying to do something together. I want to cry. I have cried about it. I hate to see them like this.

    Comment by MizAnn (original poster) at 10:47 AM on Jun. 30, 2010