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My SO may leave me over my little brother coming to live with us...

My brother is 17, he will be 18 in 2 weeks. He joined the Marines and is set to be set to boot camp in 24 days. Well, he doesn't want to go. He wants to go to college to be a chef. He lives in CA right now and I am in Phoenix. Le Cordon Bleu is about 20 minutes from my house. My brother has no savings and has never lived on his own. I told him that if he wants to go to college instead of the marines that I would help him however I could, including letting him stay in my DD's 2nd room until he gets on his feet. Well, my SO is pretty upset, he doesn't really like my brother. SO is on the virge of moving out anyways and although I don't want him to go, I don't think theres anything I can do. My SO said allowing my brother to stay with us was the deal breaker for him. I don't get it, my bro is family and family helps eachother out. Am I wrong or is my SO??


Asked by Anonymous at 10:59 AM on Jun. 30, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Have you asked your s/o his reasons?I don't see a problem with you helping your brother get thru school.I think if a young person is in school and working to cover their own personal expenses, help them all you can.and if they are not in school, they can pay rent to you.

    Answer by evelynwest at 11:01 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Aside from that. Although I agree that family is family, & you generally try to help. I'd never ask another person to live in our home w/o the agreement of my husband. I'd expect the same courtesy from him. Although I'm happy to help out family, & have whenever I could, it's difficult to live with people that you like, let alone people you already don't get along with. If you & your spouse are having problems, & you want the relationship to work, you need to make that relationship your primary concern..

    My husband has family that I would do anything for, & family that I know I couldn't live with that it would be difficult just to get through a visit with. I know he feels the same way. Also there is the extra expense of having another person there, & the lack of privacy. Plus a teenager can be a challenge.

    I know he's your brother & you want to help, but you still need to be considerate of your SO's feelings.

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:08 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • If your brother didn't want to be in the Marines, he shouldn't have signed up. Now, ehs' screwed, unless he can back out of his contract... which I doubt. Sounds like the Marines would be GOOD for him! In this case, you're wrong, and so is your bro. Does he really think he can just NOT show up to MEPS to go to Boot Camp? He can be a cook in the Marines, then go on to be a chef after his enlistment's up... that's about the only thing he CAN do at this point.

    Answer by Aslen at 11:15 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • if he already joined the marines, he's in... which means in 24 days, he'll be set to go to bootcamp or whatever. i believe that if you help him "hide" from the USMC, you can get in trouble for that.

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 1:58 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I can't just cancel on up-ing with the armed forces...I am afraid he is going whether he likes it or not. Perhaps they can help him with is goals while he is serving.

    Answer by salexander at 4:15 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Did he already sign the papers with the Marines? If he has then he has to go to the Marines. When me and my husband got together it was very clear that any roommates would be a deal breaker.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 11:02 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I think your SO is being stupid! My BIL has been living with us for the past year, and it has not affected our relationship. I mean if thats how your SO feels then you need to question is he really worth being with. If you guys got married your brother would be his family, and he'd have to learn to like him eventually. And as long as your brother is not just coming to mouch off you guys then it shouldn't be an issue just helping him get on his feet.

    Answer by Apple_Pie2010 at 11:04 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • then obviously, he don't care about you wanting to help your brother.. tell him, if you can't accept me for helping my brother out.. there's the door.. bye.
    however.. i'm sure your brother can talk to a recruiter about not going straight to the marines but do schooling first? sometimes it helps.. he did sign up.. he should talk to the recruiter about this.
    hope you and your husband does well.. and set up some rules for your brother so he doesn't slack off just because he wants to be a chef. he will need to do some help around the house and such

    Answer by kittenripmaygo at 11:05 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I would also wonder what his reasons are for not liking your brother. If he is just using it as an excuse to leave and you are having problems anyway, maybe it is best to just let him go.. If it is a legitimate reason and you want to work things out, then you will have to come to some kind of agreement. I totally am all for helping family, if they show they are worthy and aren't going to turn your life upside down in the process.

    Answer by KTMOM at 11:06 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • men are just like that, they love their families only but their wives families are the enemy who they can t avoid and they become very cruel and offensive against them at the simple occasion. if u r not married choose ur bro over this man whatever u do for men they will never appreciate it they selfish creatures.

    Answer by Imane1215 at 11:26 AM on Jun. 30, 2010