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how do you discipline a 10 and 12 yr old girl

how do you discipline a 10 n 12 yr old? my 12 yr old really has a mouth on her n thinks she's the adult...the 10 yr old daughter is following in the same tracks, but not quite as bad...she realizes when she's pushed me too far and knows when to quit...children are just way different now days then us parents were at that age...although not cussing, she still got that back talk thing goin on....n no matter what my husband do or doesn't seem to work...not only that, like when we tell them to be in before dark, they come in 30 minutes after it has gotten dark...

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Asked by aadcock34 at 11:18 AM on Jun. 30, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • that is too old to spank.But you could take away priviledges or something they enjoy having, until you see a better attitude.

    Answer by evelynwest at 11:21 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Take EVERYTHING away, clean out their rooms of all things entertaining. Don't let them go anywhere and slowly start giving them freedom and things back when they behave good.

    Answer by shanlaree at 11:22 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • don't give anymore chances or warnings. they come in late today - tomorrow they don't get to go anywhere... tell them they will get another chance as long as they follow rules and don't backtalk the following day, and if they are late, they are grounded two days, etc. hit 'em where it hurts. my daughter didn't care if i took away the tv, cell phone, or going out privileges, but was devastated when i took her hair straightener... you know what will work best for your girls. don't get in arguments, don't defend your position... don't engage.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:23 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • My daughter needs to come home when the street lights come on.....using "dark" as a timeline is really hard because it comes on so gradually. I have found that the street lights come on JUST as it starts getting dark, so its a good indicator. Plus, the ones in our neighborhood are kinda loud, so you notice them :)

    For discipline, taking things away works the best....For each kid, its differrent. It could be the phone, computer, TV, outside time, friends, etc. Add more and more until they get the idea. ~ When they are sitting in their room, with only a mattress on the floor, they might realize that you are serious and mean what you say......But you GOTTA do it now, it will only get worse if you cant be the one in control!

    Answer by christyg at 11:29 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • my kids dont back talk us because we've shown them from the start who the parents are. But there are those times when they don't do things I've asked so thats when they get privileges taken away for a few days to a week. It works for them cause they try to be sure not to do again what got them in trouble!

    Answer by CEOAprilMarie at 11:32 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • What ever you do, don't let them drag you into arguing about it. If you are spending a lot of time lecturing or arguing with them, then what you are doing isn't working right.  If they break a rule, they lose a privilege, so if they come in 30 minutes late, the next day they don't get to go out at all. Don't waste your breath lecturing them about coming in late; just say something like, "it's so sad for you that you didn't make it in by dark. Now you'll have to stay home all day tomorrow." It will be tempting to say more, but don't. If they try to argue just say, "I love you too much to argue." 

    Check out Love & Logic for lots of ideas for getting them to be more responsible and better behaved.  GL!


    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 11:37 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • My son would never have pulled that crap with me. He knew the laws of our home as well as the rules. He also knew Mom was on it 1000% of the time when it came to disipline and following thru. When I said something I meant it, 3 strikes your out !!
    You need to get serious and take away everything from that child you only have to provide food shelter and clothes and no one said a closet rull of them. Make that child earn those extra's back !! Come down hard make sure she uses her manners and follows the rules of the house. Let her know you are the adult she is the child you are the Parent she is the daughter !!! I say she stays home for a week. Maybe that will teach her how to follow the rules and be home on time. I do not take crap from kids. I am my childs parent not their friend

    Answer by justgrape723 at 1:11 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • There are few different things you can do, and I know I've mentioned this in other questions before. First thing is a sit down with them if you haven't already and explain how the talking back makes you feel, tell them you understand they get annoyed, frustrated or angry but they way they handle it is not acceptable. Explain how you feel when they do it, it my case it hurts me to the point where I feel like I'm not a good enough mom and I feel like they don't care about me or my feelings, when I care so much for them and love them to the point where my job is to support them, guide them and keep them safe. Then you lay down your expectations and the rules, home when the street lights are on, chores done before any play time, no arguing, they are to keep themselve safe, they are to keep in touch with you and they are too show you respect and you will do the same otherwise they consequences. cont...

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:49 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • If they don't meet the expectations you set, then you institute the consequences...I would in my case provide a 1st offense, a 2nd offense and a 3 offensive. Consistency here is the key. The important thing is to show them the kind of respect you expect to get back, when an argument starts you walk away. Tell them you are not arguing and they can go to their room until they are ready to talk to you like an adult and without the sass. These have worked for me like a charm, my house is peaceful. I do sometimes bend the rules only with chores, where if they are not done they are asked when they plan to do it. They typically will then do it when they say they will, but if they don't consequence number 1 is enforced and the chore still needs to be done.
    Good Luck.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:51 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Take away privileges. Take everything out of room but bed and dresser. Add extra chores until the attitude improves. Ground them (no TV, no phone or cell phone, no radio or stereo or I-Pod) nothing but books.

    Answer by plclemo at 3:18 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

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