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Going through puberty, "the talk" now, or later?

My oldest son, who is 9, is in the beginning stages of puberty. Should I sit him down and have the sex talk with him now, or when he starts asking about it? I am VERY open with my son, and I want him to be very open with me. He asks me questions, and I answer truthfully. I don't believe in hiding the facts of life from my children. But when should I talk to him about the reproductive systems, and sex, and STD's?


Asked by mistical_me at 12:59 PM on Jun. 30, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (7)
  • I would start now, but I probably wouldn't get too detailed yet. I started with my boys around 5, talking about how the body changes mainly and they asked then about where babies come from. As they got older and hit puberty there was a lot more talk about body changes, which they thought was pretty cool. Now its just normal for things to come up occassionally. My youngest is 12 and he starting to talk more about sex and why people want to do it, and that's a great opportunity for me to talk more about relationships and safety. With my older son - whose 15 we talk a lot of safety and how it isn't just pregnancy he should be guarding against. The more the know the better off they will be. One thing I always told them is that their friends can't know everything, because they only have as many years and as much knowledge as my boys do, so they should be coming to me for the truth. :)

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:35 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I would start now. He will be entering puberty soon and will learn a many wrong things at school. I feel it best to get it all out there early on to dispel any chances they might have of learning something wrong and experimenting, not knowing whats going on.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 1:03 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Well...they don't call 'em STD's anymore. LOL (that was a news flash to me) They are now STI's.

    Me? I'd talk to him. Something age appropriate. Not handing him condoms or anything. But I would discuss. By 9, I'm sure he's already had some of that in school. I would just try to make sure that he knows YOU know he's at that stage and that if he has questions, you're here. These days, it seems kids are having sex by 14! It's insane to me, but seems to be the case.

    Answer by BuddyRoo at 1:04 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • my son was 11, going on 12 when we had the 'talk" I think for each child/family it is different. you could start now with how his body is and will change. then go from there if he has more ?'s then answer them if not wait a bit longer to fill him in on the rest (sex) . I think it should be done no later than 13 and for some kids that is even too late.

    Answer by justgrape723 at 1:05 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • My oldest is 10. We've talked about some things (private parts, good touch/bad touch, privacy, etc). We haven't gone into specifics on sex, reproduction and STD's... yet, but I see it coming very, very soon. The main thing is answering his questions. Whenever our son has questions, we answer them truthfully and openly. Letting him know that he can talk to us about anything. I'm a little nervous about the actual sex talk though... not looking forward to it at all.

    Answer by momof3inTN at 1:05 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • start now before he starts getting his info from unreliable sources

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 1:04 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • 9 seems a little young to me. I would definately keep communication open. Maybe just try it as he grows. You could leave books in his room that are made to explain things to his age group and tell him that you left him the book because you saw it in the store and thought he should read it. Tell him he can ask you about anything he needs to.

    Then support him as he grows. When you start to notice the need for certain things (deoderant, bigger clothes, razors, mens shower gel, etc) show him how to use the things and explain why you think he is ready for them (you are getting older, growing up, whatever terms you use.) If he has contact with his father it will help much more to hear it from him since he is a man. If his father is not there for him find a guy best friend of yours or your brother or another male family member to talk to him and spend time with him so that he will have a positive male role model.

    Answer by amber710 at 1:07 PM on Jun. 30, 2010