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Is it right for me to step into my daughters life I haven't had any cont act since she was 6

I had a real bad drug habit so a friend of mine adopted her. I told at 6 yrs old I was her mom she didn't really understand I have found her adopted mom but am wondering if I should go see her or not

Answer Question
 
lorisha1

Asked by lorisha1 at 1:18 PM on Jun. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (20 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • It's up to the adoptive parents, you might be her BIRTH mother but they are her parents.
    JandAsMommy

    Answer by JandAsMommy at 1:20 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I think it's great to make an effort, but you need to be aware that you entering her life may be difficult for her and for her parental figures. She doesn't see you as her mother. She sees the woman who is raising her as her mother.

    I do think it would be awesome for you to try to rekindle a relationship, whatever form that takes. Just be considerate of the people in her life, though.
    mickstinator

    Answer by mickstinator at 1:21 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Can you contact your friend who adopted her and ask if you can visit or write a letter or something? that may be a good start.
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 1:22 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • How old is she now? If she is still young it may be too confusing for her. But either way I would reach out to the adoptive parents first....i'm sure they would want to be 100% sure you are clean
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 1:25 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • If the last time you had contact with her was when she was 6, how old is she now? I would contact the parents first, there could be legal issues involved here. Was it an open adoption or closed? Good luck
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 1:27 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I would contact adoptive parent and talk with them and see if you can visit you don't want to cause conflict or drama around child. Enter her life again in a approriate minor.... I was adopted I loved having my dad around but I hated all the drama that followed him ( all the legal stuff he ignored)
    Claudiomom

    Answer by Claudiomom at 1:27 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • This is a hard one. To be honest, your daughter was probably pretty traumatized from being adopted out at 6 yrs old. Depending on how old she is, she may not have the best feelings towards you. I think that its great if birth parents want to stay involved, but you have to do whats best for the child. I would definitely talk to the adoptive parents first and ask them what they think is best for the child. GL!
    allfiller

    Answer by allfiller at 1:28 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I think first of all she should have been raised knowing she has a birth mother and an adoptive mom. Honesty is always best. I think you should be very respectful of her adoptive mom at this point. To disrupt this womans family might not be what she wants. I would contact her first and try to build the relationship from there. I am glad you want to see your daughter, but it is not her fault you had an addiction problem and she and the adoptive family should not have to pay for that. Good luck to you.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 3:35 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • i have a sd thats mother was the same way..she left her at 6mnths old and tried to show up around 6yrs old to cause probs when she found out dh and i were getting married...she caused all types of problems with the child and to this day we have issues with my sd being curious and blaming herself for her bio's issues...if you can honestly see her without causing any type of problems then go for it..i think i would try and contact her parents to see how they feel and let them explain things to her and get her reaction...shes still young and things could go very well but just dont make it a forced situation..good luck and i hope things work out well
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 5:34 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

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