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4 Bumps

Ok.... Birth mother did nothing she was asked to do before termination of parental rights, but now she has called asking to talk to MY daughter.... Birth mom is a family member...

She had a year and a half to get things done to get her now 7yr old daughter back. She never actually successfully completed a thing in her case plan. We went through hoops and did everything they asked of us! Once bio-mom found out she had been moved to our home, she called asking if she could talk to MY daughter. Out of the 3 visits she was allowed during case plan, she always cancelled at least two. There were no drug issues, just a very selfish person! I don't want to hurt my daughter, but some people have told me that I should never take away her chance to have some communication. What do you think? I think allowing to hurt my daughter again would be HORRIBLE parenting on my part? Do you think I'm right??

 
AdoptingMyChild

Asked by AdoptingMyChild at 3:34 PM on Jun. 30, 2010 in Adoption

Level 13 (1,205 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I was a CPS Case Worker and I have a Bachelor's in Sociology. You should not allow this "mom" to have contact with your daughter unless it is forced by the courts. That is not what is best for this little girl. The people giving you advice are not educated in child psychology. They are just thinking that it is best for mother and child to always have some sort of contact, but that is simply not the case here. Contact with a parent who will always disappoint is not a good thing.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 3:50 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I personally think you are right. However, at 7 years old you might want to ask your daughter if she even wants to talk to her bio mom.
    My3LittleGirls

    Answer by My3LittleGirls at 3:35 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I would talk with a consulern frist
    butterflysmom

    Answer by butterflysmom at 3:41 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • She still thinks bio-mom is an angel... We are still trying to give age appropriate truthful insight and answers as to why she is here with us!
    AdoptingMyChild

    Comment by AdoptingMyChild (original poster) at 3:38 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • My 3 cousins mom was like that. Now thy are all slowly talking to her again and its causing issues in their adoptive homes. You should think about it more. Please don't make a decision as serious as this based on cafemom replies.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 3:38 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • The Bio-mom needs to put the child first and just be there for her when " the child wants to talk to her" and tell the rest of the family to butt out.
    You need to have open communication with your daughter and if she wants more info she can ask any-time.

    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 3:41 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Oh no.... My decision has been made. I am just trying to see how many people would support the same type of reaction, and how many people think I am wrong. I have had a lot of people tell me I'm heartless to take away all communications, but in my eyes, she gave them away when she didn't do a thing they asked of her. No I wouldn't risk the emotional well-being of my daughter based on a couple people's negative comments... (I haven't had negative ones on here, but I meant just in general.)
    AdoptingMyChild

    Comment by AdoptingMyChild (original poster) at 3:42 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I personally would have little to no contact at this point in time. If bio mom can show that she has grown up down the road then it's a possiblity but for now she's more concerned for herself and not your daughter. A child deserves to know where they came from but they do not deserve to be hurt over and over again by the bio mom even if the child asks to speak with them.

    She's your child and you need to do what you feel is best.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 3:55 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • OP I would love to answer but with the given information I can not tell you anything. Please PM me and tell me what happened I will try and help. However I can tell you from my 2 in laws who were foster kids and then adopted by my MIL. Neither one of them had a relationship with their bio-families growing up(they are 19 and 22) and they both really don't care. They were both younger though. I know my BIL was less than 3 and I think my SIL was about 1 or so. They are not from the same family BTW. I know my SIL just got in contact with some of her bio-family but not her parents and I don't think she plans on it. She is thankful for her mom and dad and would not want make them feel bad. my BIL I don't think has any contact and I don't think he wants to.
    delilahsmom1177

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 3:56 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • @ ThrivingMom---I have seen so many things on here talking about open adoptions and was amazed!!! To us it is very hard to make the decision we have made, considering it is a family member! At the same time, I don't think that changes anything when it comes to the best interest of the child, nor does it make her any less of a bad parent....
    AdoptingMyChild

    Comment by AdoptingMyChild (original poster) at 3:56 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

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