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Is it bad to keep my SO's family out of my sons life?

I personally don't like them. They have a tendency to be rude.

Cousins--they are the rudest, always have a chip on their shoulder, seek drama

Older brother--is just as bad but he is the type that goes behind everyone's back

Granparents--are always uptight and say " Do what white people do" as some type of moral phrase. it offends me because 1.I'm half white & 2.One race doesn't do everything right and I don't want my kid thinking that

the cousins also tend to be racially ignorant and they have passed it onto their children. one's daughter asked me if I was half white, I told her yes, German & Irish, and she pointed out everything "white" about me. looks and speech. Sorry I'm not from the hood and am not on top of the latest slang....sheesh

now they want to visit? ugh

Advice? they ALL bother me


Asked by DomoniqueWS at 10:37 PM on Jun. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,109 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • If they make racial comments, that needs to stop. Your child is part white, since you are. If they have an issue, it needs to be done before that baby can understand. And even if they don't say anything about your son, if they put down or make fun of his mommy in front of him, that is not good for him. That baby is your priority.

    So, your SO needs to step up. If they make comments, he needs to shut them down. If they don't stop, you all need to ask them to leave if they are at your house, or get up and leave yourself if you are at theirs. If they want to see your son, they will learn to treat his mama with respect. Same thing if drama starts--your child doesn't need to see it. Drama starts? Visit over, buh-bye.

    Either they will wise up and make an effort, or they'll stay away. If they can't make the effort, they're not worth your time, or your son's. Good luck hon.

    Answer by Cassidhes_Mom at 11:47 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Honestly this is a choice you and your SO need to make together. Maybe you should look at it as an opportunity to explain that people are different and just because so and so does something doesn't mean its ok for us to do it.

    Answer by FuzNet at 10:46 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • If you think having them around would be bad for your child then no it is not bad.

    My DH's family are not allowed around DS anymore. BIL is a meth head and deals. MIL wants my kid for her own so she called CPS on us in hopes they would take him away and give him to her. FIL is an alcoholic and drinks from sun up till sun down. I don't know Dh's aunt and uncle or two cousins but they live far away.

    Answer by krystie-tina at 10:48 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • yah I'm aware that the choice is up to us, just seeking advice and opinions, maybe there are angles I'm not looking at.

    Wow...I have a few family members who do drugs and they are hands-down not allowed near me. I act like I don't know them when I see them.

    Comment by DomoniqueWS (original poster) at 10:51 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I think it depends on what your SO thinks. If he wants his family to see the child and he feels strongly about it then I would say let them see him but only while you're around and for short periods of time. If they want to visit from out of town just make sure they do not stay with you. Go visit them, so you control how long the visit is. You dont have to wait and be the b**ch to make them leave, you can just leave. Say your son is fussy and needs to go to bed, wont sleep anywhere but home.
    You honestly may need to be more tolerant. Just depending on your SOs views. But he also needs to stand up for you, if he cant do that without it turning into a brawl then he needs to understand that bringing your son into that hostility isnt healthy for him.
    Just learn to tolerate them, you sdont have to be best friends with them. But if theyre in your life just try and keep it civil to the best of your abilities. GL

    Answer by sassy_brizzy at 11:01 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • You shouldn't totally keep them out of your sons life. My SIL didn't allow us to see my niece and nephew for 10 years because she was on drugs and "didn't like us" because we weren't. I would say figure out how to have your SO talk to them about some things and then maybe supervise their time with your son. It hurts when you grow up thinking your family hates you. Don't take away your sons family just because they are hard for you to get along with. That's my opinion. My inlaws are very rude and overbearing, they also abused my ex husband when he was a boy, but I still allow them to see their grandchild, I supervise their visits and we've had talks about what is not allowed around my son.

    Answer by Tes...Jacksmami at 11:36 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I agree with the first poster, this is something that you anf your dh need to decide together.

    It is never a good thing to have to cut family members out of a child's life.  However if they are providing a toxic environment for impressionable children then sadly it is necessary.

    If they come to your home, you need to lay down firm ground rules first.  I would never allow someone to be rude or disrespectful to me in my own home.  They would be asked to leave immediately!


    Answer by beeky at 12:10 AM on Jul. 1, 2010