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4 Bumps

My mom is a 33 year old Grandma...

will be 34 in a couple weeks\

she had me at 15 and I had my son at 18

so

Do you think that would make her feel weird or hard to take on the grandma role?

She was just trying for kids 3 years ago but she lost one ovary and 2 of her tubes removed due to damage from an abortion and a 5lb cyst. She was still dealing with the fact that she couldn't have babies when I got prego.

When I did get prego she was super excited, and when we found out I was having a boy, even more excited, she has 2 girls so she said it was the son she never had.

But now I find that she wants to parent her way, not mine, she listens to somethings, but she says things like "My house My rules" which is cool but not when it interferes with basic nap times and routine things like lunch. We battle over crap like this whenever I go to her house or she want to take him.

Any takes on this? I try to understand but I don't.

 
DomoniqueWS

Asked by DomoniqueWS at 11:36 PM on Jun. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,109 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • She needs to understand that when it comes down to it, YOU are his mother. If she can't respect that, you need to limit the time she spends alone with him and at her house. Make her come to your place, where YOU are in charge. If you let this go, it will likely just get worse. I feel bad for your mom--I am actually a year older than her, but I don't know what I'd do if I found out I couldn't have another child--I'm hoping to start trying for another baby in about a year. In some ways, she may be looking at your son as the child she cannot have, and feel as if she "knows best" because she has been there. However, YOU are the mommy. He is your son, not hers, and she needs to understand that and support your rules and routines. I've got my fingers crossed for you, because I know it's HARD to stand up to your mom. At 35 I still have a hard time with it. But, this is your baby, and you need to take charge.
    Cassidhes_Mom

    Answer by Cassidhes_Mom at 11:43 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Your kid YOUR rules... at least when it comes to care of your child.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:39 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • sweetie, it's not gonna get better until you move out and she actually sees you as a grown up. I've been there, had my first at 17
    DarkFaery131

    Answer by DarkFaery131 at 11:41 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I agree.
    She had her chances at raising you two kids, and now you get yours. Advice and opinions are welcome, but ultimately, when it comes down to it... it's your child, your rules.
    I understand the "my house, my rules" thing, but... like you said, not when it comes to interfering with nap times and just overall things that the child will get used to when getting on a routine.
    What's she gonna do? Force the child to be awake because it's her house and she has something else in mind? I don't understand... >_>
    ManicMomma02

    Answer by ManicMomma02 at 11:41 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • You need to stand up to her now. It does NOT get easier as they get older.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 11:45 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I wouldn't bring lil boy over unless she stops being controlling. She's grandma not mom ... what you say goes... unless she's babysitting and even then she should respect your wishes.
    kaylan010

    Answer by kaylan010 at 11:40 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • This is a tough one. Because you are young and so is your mom, she probably feels a lot of responsibility for your child. I'm sure she feels like she needs to help you and make sure everything is going okay. While you should love the fact that you have a mom who is there to help, there is a fine line that is probably going to be crossed a lot too. YOU are the momma, not her, so the final say in matters of your child is up to you. Sometimes being a little brutally honest can take care of someone over stepping their boundaries. However, if you are still living in your moms house, you do still need to obide by her rules. Just because you had a child doesn't automatically make you ruler of a house that isn't yours. If you can afford it, I would try and get a place of your own. But it matters of your child, you ARE the boss. And that distinction needs to be made.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:42 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Either way, what you say is what goes in regards to your child. She should respect that.
    xxMasonsMommaxx

    Answer by xxMasonsMommaxx at 11:43 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • This would be difficult. My take is, this is YOUR child. She had her turn at parenting and unless you are doing something harmful to your child, she really shouldn't voice her opinion. When she was a young mother she had to learn things for herself in regards to raising a child. Everyone has their own routine. If it becomes too much of a problem, then I wouldn't spend as much time at her house. Not that you shouldn't go see her, but if she is going to cause problems with your mothering, then maybe you should be there less. She, hopefully is there for you for advice, but you are the mama to your little boy and she should respect that. Best wishes!
    etexmom

    Answer by etexmom at 11:43 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Are you living with her or does this happen when she babysits for you?
    xxMasonsMommaxx

    Answer by xxMasonsMommaxx at 11:42 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

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