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Ok.... My mom has been married to my step-dad since I was seven and now I am 25..... I used to think that everything he did was out of hatred, because from the time they got married until the time I moved out my older sister said how much he hated us and only loved our brother (his bio-son)...... *****extra details below***

Everything that ever happened was his fault no matter what!!! Everything good that happened was always because of my mom because there was "no way he would ever do anything nice for us". Any type of punishment he tried to lay out was out of hatred not love... (The way I saw it.).

I then found out within the past couple of years that he was the reason that a lot of good things happened, even after I was grown and had moved out, but still needed help.... These things were his idea, not my mothers.....

Now, I have just welcomed a child into my home and I look at my discipline tactics and realize that I do a lot of the same things he did OUT OF LOVE! I realize now that the things he did were completely necessary!! Maybe sometimes he didn't handle everything perfectly, but no one does! I know that for a fact.

My question is: He is a very stand-offish person, not very emotional at all! He still intimidates me. How do I fix it?


Asked by AdoptingMyChild at 11:49 PM on Jun. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,205 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • If he's stand offish then I personally would write him a letter and tell him exactly what you just told us except of course add a little more. Maybe even a thank you for being the step-dad he was and that it means a lot to you that he cared enough to do all the nice things and all the disciplining that you didn't appreciate at the time. Just send him a heart felt letter. Tell him he doesn't have to say anything to you but that you just wanted him to know that now that you are a mom you now understand. Send it to him through the mail.

    If he wasn't so stand offish I'd say do it in person.

    Answer by SandraRh at 11:54 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Write him a letter.

    Answer by slw123 at 11:51 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I am sure if he was trying to help you even after you moved out that he does not hate you. He may not like the way you act towards him, but think how much love he must have for you to still help you after all of it even if you are not really his. In his heart you are his kid and his actions prove that. If you tell him thank you and that you realize now he was doing what he thought was the best for you and that he has loved you all along it will mean more to him than you can imagine.

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 1:18 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • Also, I ran out of space to mention that I was absolutely the most disrespectful little b*^$# I can ever imagine!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you think he hates me for it??? It is worth messing with after all these years??? We can tolerate each other now! We have polite conversations, and can be around each other.

    Comment by AdoptingMyChild (original poster) at 11:53 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • i agree with slw123. This way you can take the time to rally think about how you say it and give him an opportunity to read it in private.

    Answer by FuzNet at 11:54 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • The letter is a good idea, just tell him you get it now and you're sorry. Don't expect it to magically change how you are around each other, things don't work that way, but he would probably appreciate it, even if he didn't show it.

    Answer by NotPanicking at 1:38 AM on Jul. 1, 2010