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Do any of you have adopted children who do not know they are adopted?

I have a friend who is adopted and doesn't know it. I only know because my aunt is good friends with her mom and she remembers when they adopted her as newborn. I feel so weird knowing this considering she doesn't know. I mean she looks nothing like her family, but still she has no idea. I would never tell her because it just isn't my place. But for someone reason I feel like she should know. What do you think?

Answer Question

Asked by BlainesMommy09 at 2:06 AM on Jul. 1, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 20 (9,173 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • How old is the child? I agree that she should know, but if it were me, I wouldn't tell her until she's old enough to understand.

    Answer by SilverFire85 at 2:11 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • She isn't a child, she is 22 years old.

    Comment by BlainesMommy09 (original poster) at 2:11 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • My sister was adopted as an infant, and we live in a small town, so some people that knew my family knew she had been adopted. Well, one of the girls my mom worked with had a younger sister the same age as my sister that one day decided to be vindictive and told my sister she was adopted. She was 11, and it devastated her to hear it from this girl. If I hadn't been 22, I might have been kicking a little girls ass. That your friend is adopted needs to come from her family, if they ever tell her at all. It is their choice, but I do think they should tell her.

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 2:12 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I would feel the same why. But, some times things are better left unsaid.

    Answer by raemommy at 2:13 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I would never tell her. I just am kinda weird around her now, I mean I just feel weird knowing a secret that could change everything to her and I know that she is probably never going to know. I guess I just feel her family should have told her.

    Comment by BlainesMommy09 (original poster) at 2:15 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I sent you a pm about this :) I hope it helps you :)

    Answer by tanya777 at 2:28 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I would tell the person with not a single equivocation. I was adopted myself as an infant and my mom and dad told me quite early, as early in my life as I can remember I knew I was adopted. If the child is mature enough to understand the concept I would tell them absolutely!!!!

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 2:31 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I've known three different people who found out when they were teenagers that their parents had lied to them their whole lives... two are raging alcoholics and one killed himself.

    I don't ever think that lying to anyone is a good idea. I'm amazed at the number of people who think the people who don't count in that are children --like they aren't learning from any example or anything.

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:44 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • Wow that is so wrong for them not to tell her. I wouldn't tell her but I would hope someone would. Maybe an anonymous letter to her???? She has a right to know...but it's such a hard situation. You should really not be weird with her just because of this. I understand what your feeling but if she ever finds out she will need you to be there and help put things in perspective for her. Either way it's a very sensitive subject and is difficult in itself...goodluck

    Answer by ProudMammaMia at 3:16 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I have a family member with the same situation. His mom had him, then she met and married another man, who adopted her son. He has no idea that his dad isn't his biological dad. He is an adult now, and I can't help but think that someday this is going to come out, and when it does, it's going to be a lot uglier than if they'd just told him the truth as a child. I can't even fathom finding out that kind of information as an adult--it would rock my world pretty hard.

    Answer by vicesix at 10:26 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

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