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my oldest

I try too give my 16 yr old a little space so she can feel that I trust her opion,idias is she still to young ,or am I to late?

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christine121

Asked by christine121 at 8:49 AM on Jul. 1, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 8 (269 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • I don't think you are too late & no she is not too young.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:51 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • When my daughter was 16, she went places with her friends AND their parents. She was not allowed to go around unsupervised. Her daddy and I went with her when she participated in band and other school related activities. We didn't hover, but one or both of us(usually both) were always there. She found great security in knowing that we were close by. All our children were allowed to invite their friends to our house, but we were always here. As they got older, we would retire to our room where we had a tv, so that the children could be with their friends. But, again, they knew that we were there and that we were watching. This methold worked very well for us. They learned how to have friendships with both sexes. They learned how to figure out the ones who were interested in them for who they were and not for what they could get from them. The ones who had less than pure motives did not hang around long.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:55 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • This is a really hard thing for me, I too have been giving the space my now 17 yo wants. We have come to an understanding that if she is fair and honest with me I will be with her. It was not easy to get here. There are ground rules for dating and "hanging out" with friends, driving and things like that. There have been kids around that I wasn't too fond of and she didn't take long to see their true colors. I guess we did something right!! But I do check from time to time. Boys have to come in the house to get her and we have to meet them. Lying is never an option, and that she learned the hard way! But after almost 2 years, starting around age 15, I feel good about where we are. Space is a good thing but not to much of it, they have to remember they do have parents!!!
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 9:03 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I don't think your too late and she is not too young. This is the time when our children are reaching for independence but still want us there to guide them (even if they act like they don't). When my oldest was 13 I laid the rules down, Stay Safe, Keep in Touch and Show Respect. They are simple rules, make wise choices, call me when there is an issue and you need my help, becareful who you associate with, tell me where you are, who you're with, where you're going and when you'll be home and most importantly to earn the priveledge of independence you will respect my decisions and authority to decide what is right for your safety. We have had a few issues where the best decisions weren't made, but he told me and we worked through it. He did disassociate with those kids as he realized they weren't right for him and his future plans and goals. I use the same tactic with my 12 yr old.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 10:26 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

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