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I told my Mom not to come over today. Maybe I'm wrong but what do you think?

My B-Day was the other day and my Mom asked me to come over for dinner with my son and my Dh would come after work. Great! Well she called & said she can't do dinner because her foot was swelling & she was going to the Dr. to have it checked. OK. Then she calls that night & said the Dr. said it's nothing and that she went to visit some friends while her & my Dad were out and that my sister is over for dinner. What? Then she says we'll come over to see you Thursday for a few hours. Nothing more is said about us coming over for dinner or anything. I'm upset because I never get out & she blew off my B-day and now wants me to entertain her today. I said I am really tired today & now she's annoyed. I'ts like she blew off my B-Day on purpose because she doesn't want ME to be too happy! It's like sadistic & I am sick of it. My Sister plants herself there every night but I can't come with my Son on my B-Day? What do you think?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:22 AM on Jul. 1, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I would just tell her you're busy, and next time don't expect anything of her on your birthday - in fact, make plans to do something else, and if she invites you over for your birthday, or mentions anything about it, tell her that your foot is swollen and can't entertain her.

    Or better yet, call her and tell her that whatever she had must have been contageous because now your foot is swollen, so she need not come to your house for dinner tonight.

    Answer by FatGirl239 at 11:30 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I'd have been hurt too. Maybe you could tell her this??? I'd probably have canceled too.

    Answer by Mom_2_cuties at 11:27 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I'd call and cancel

    Answer by DarkFaery131 at 11:24 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I think she should have called you after she went to the dr and it was careless and a little rude of her to TELL you she went out to visit friends. Its rude enough she did it, but especially thoughtless to tell you. Is getting older where people forget how to filter and think about what they say and do first. It seems some older people revert right back to the ME ME ME stages of small children and say and do whatever impulse comes over them with no regard for others. If you are tired tell her flat out that you are and are not up for entertaining and frankly you are a little hurt to be dissed on your birthday, that she was more than welcome to come over later that night and telling you she went off to a friend's made you feel really left out.

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 11:27 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I would do the same. I am working on doing that myself. Not canceling my mom coming over but calling. She only calls when she wants to talk about her and who ever she is dating. But if I have a problem she doesn't have enough minutes. WTF? My mom is going through a mid life crisis though. If I were you I wouldn't worry about her being annoyed. Just relax.

    Answer by MizAnn at 11:28 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I would personally just be happy that she was willing to come over and spend time with me, but that's just me. It's hard to give accurate advice since I don't really know the relationship dynamic with your mom, but if you're still hurt over what she did, maybe you should take the opportunity to tell her how you feel?

    Answer by milfalicious08 at 11:28 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • You are under no obligation to entertain someone for a birthday dinner you had days ago. If she asks you out for lunch or something that is a different matter. Your mom sounds a bit narcissistic to me.

    Answer by janel123 at 1:27 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I can see where you would feel hurt and slighted. If she could not have had you over on your birthday then she should have asked you what day works best for you, and then ask you about what the plans should be-- like lunch out, her come over, you go there..... She should not just assume Thursday works and you will entertain her. Personally I'd call her and say "sorry mom today does not work for me we need to do it some other time". You may want to tell her how hurt you are, but if she is a self-absorbed person she might not 'get it' and realize that you have a right to feel hurt.

    Answer by MizLee at 2:57 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • Do you think she is mean? Or are you just hurt? Simply tell her the truth. "Hey mom my feelings got hurt when you switched up the plans for me to go out on my birthday. I was really looking forward to it and it seems like other people are more important than me."
    How hard would that be to say? Plan it ahead and say to your self. Write it down if you need to. I will bet you she did not plan on being mean or letting you down. She had to go to the dr.
    Unless you really think she set out to hurt you. Then you need to have another talk with her. Ask her if she planned on letting you down. Calm you self down a bit, have an adult conversation with her.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 11:38 AM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • While I think that your mother was inconsiderate, I think you're being passive aggressive. You have to ask for what you want and if people disappoint you, you have to tell them WHY and what you want them to do NEXT time. Telling her she can't come over does not tell her "Hey, I was really hurt that you decided to go have dinner with friends instead of doing dinner with me on my Birthday." It says "I don't want company today." Which is fine. IF you just don't want company. But you're just trying to tit for tat and it doesn't serve to remedy the situation.

    We can't hold people accountable for OUR feelings. You can only control how you behave or react. So be constructive. Tell your mom that your feelings were hurt when she went out w/ her friends on your bday, let her know that you really would like to have a "make up dinner" so you can get out of the house. That you were really looking forward to that.

    Answer by BuddyRoo at 11:40 AM on Jul. 1, 2010