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I have a whiner..

Our son is 2-1/2 and tends to whine.. OFTEN.. he's very dramatic and has a very sensitive personality as it is... he is having trouble at daycare with crying and not wanting to go, he's not transitioning well to the next level like others are, any bonk or bruise needs a bandaid, we are trying to stop that now as its crept in to the extreme where he wont' even go swimming or play because he is afraid his bandaid will fall off -has trouble sleeping at night- Peds think its anxiety but I am afraid to get a diagnosis or label on him already but my husband gets very frustrated and so do I, with all the whining and over dramatic behavior -we try to not pay any attention or ignore or show him not everything requires bandaids or whining but its also his personality.. I don't know what to do

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Jul. 1, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I agree with Tlanlonde16 on this, its important to let the child know you're there to help, calmly asking them to stop whining and telling you what they want or what is wrong. Its also good to look at your current stress level because can pick up on this and they do.
    My son wasn't so much a whiner, but he had very "soft" feelings I would say. His feelings could get hurt very easily, by anyone, teachers, grandparents etc..and only mom could make it all better. (Yes I was most assuredly freakishly over protective after placing my first son for adoption I hated leaving my second out of my sight)
    So one day I bought a small change purse and I sat him down and blew kisses into it. I told him any time he got sad or hurt he could open the purse and take out a kiss when I wasn't with him. This totally worked and after a few weeks he didn't need it any more.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:26 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • Just curious, but did you make a HUGE deal about him hurting himself when he was younger? Like...freaking out if he skinned his knee or something? I was always told not to make a big deal about it aside from seeing if they're ok...
    CAGirl4

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 12:19 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • One of things I learned when I was a preschool teacher at a University (and also what I do with my own children), is that when a child whines to demand that he/she uses her words. I actually say, "Stop whining and tell me with your words how you feel or what you want." If the child is unable to find the words, you can help them by offering suggestions... Are you sad? Frustrated? Angry? Etc etc.... I do realize that toddlers that young may not understand everything you are saying, but that should not prevent you from constant and CALM communication with him.

    W/regard to anxiety-I would ask how stressed out are you and your DH? Even if you don't think you & your DH expose your child to your own anxiety, children have a peculiar way of feeling and acting out their parent's stress/anxiety. Children don't naturally come out of the womb with anxiety. SOMETHING is causing it & at this age, it is probably a close family member.
    TLALONDE16

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 12:25 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • Ok, you need to go about a week without coddling him. It's going to suck, and then develop into tantrums. You can prepare him by telling him you don't like the whining, and you are not going to fuss for him when he whines anymore.

    Tell him if he whines, he must go to a place you've picked out, and when he's done, and is ready to use his big boy voice like daddy, he can come back.

    When he uses his big boy voice to deal with something, give him TONS of positive reinforcement, pick him up, jumble him around a bit, say that's how mama likes you to talk!


    If you stick to it, the behavior should correct itself in a couple of days, but stick to your guns. If not, he does have a problem you are going to need some help with
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 12:26 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • ALSO, the other thing I learned is that my mood while pregnant drastically influenced my daughter throughout her lifetime. I cried myself to sleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT for 5 months during my pregnancy with her and cried periodically for the entire time. (I was only 16 and the father didn't want responsibility etc) She was and still is a BIG TIME emotional drama queen (She's 20 now). She cries over every little thing! I have 2 babies now who are extremely happy and I had very happy pregnancies with them (laughed all the time)...so I did some research and learned that it is true that it IS possible that a woman's pregnancy influences the child later on. In fact, researchers found that pregnant women in war torn areas are 85% more likely to have a schizophrenic child. While this may be interesting, I know it's not really helpful. The bottom line is, the CALMER and HAPPIER you and dad are, the calmer & happier the child will be.
    TLALONDE16

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 12:32 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • My 6 year old son at times will whine.  I tell him that he needs to use his words that mommy does not hear whining..Let your son know that's it's okay to feel, sad, angry, happy etc it's important that he uses his words so you can help. 

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 3:54 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

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