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2 Bumps

Family drama after a death.....

I recently lost my grandmother very unexpectedly. She was an extreme hoarder. For example over 100 bird houses in the shed, a dresser full of nothing but gift bags, things like this. Her entire house, garage and pole building packed! (Although the main living space like living room, kitchen, dining room and bathroom were organized and livable.) Don't get me wrong I loved her very much and she was an amazing women. BUT going through her things is proving to be a nightmare!! My aunt is too afraid to let go of anything. People are arguing over the stupidest things. My aunt isn't letting spouses involved AT ALL so there are hurt feelings. Ugh it's ridiculous. At this rate it will be 5 years before we get this behind us. As if grieving the loss isn't hard enough. Sorry about the venting I am just overwhelmed. Any advice?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on Jul. 1, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • One thing to remember, this was her mother...it hurts losing a parent...and since your grandmother's death was unexpected, it hurts, it hurts, it hurt even more...you must give your aunt some slack though...her way of dealing with the loss of her mother is trying to hold on to everything she has...in time, she'll realize that its too much to hold onto and she'll let it go. I remember after losing my son, my mother came in my home and took all my sons clothing and his crib. When I came home to find his belongings gone, it tore a whole in me that I don't think ever healed...it was hard not being able to hold on to some of the things that were important reminders of my child...maybe when you put yourself in the other persons shoes, you'll see a different view point. I wish you guys blessings!
    treasured_hope

    Answer by treasured_hope at 5:34 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • Did she have a will?? All the drama is why a will is recommended. I think this happens in a lot of families, at least it has with every set of grandparents that have passed away in my family. I am sorry for your loss!
    lil_angel00

    Answer by lil_angel00 at 4:29 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • This is a common occurrence. Emotions are high anyway because of the loss of the loved one. Just keep breathing slowly and try to get through it. I am very sorry for your loss.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:31 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I would let her know that there are people in need who could really use the things Grandma collected. Because if you just divide the things that she hoarded it will more than likely NOT get used but it will sit in a drawer and more stuff will build around it. Donate nearly everything except niceties like special china and pictures, jewelry. See if she has a will to see how to divide things up. The legal order I think is usually a living spouse and next is children and so on.

    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 5:09 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I think your aunt is having a hard time differentiating that these things are not your grandmother, they were just her things. Maybe because your grandmother placed such emphasis on owning and storing these things your aunt feels that she should too. Maybe you can all go out to dinner or meet up somewhere neutral, not Grandma's house!, and talk about this. Maybe there is a way you can divide out the gift bags among each other and donate the rest to go to good use, donate the bird houses in a meaningful way that shows respect and love to your grandmother.
    jamesonjustines

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 4:58 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

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