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8 Bumps

My mom while not evil, and purely ignorant and broken, has done a lot of damage with me and my sisters. Now I'm pregnant, and all I do is cry and think I don't want this baby, for fear I'd be like my mom.

Is anyone else out there like this? What do I do? I'm terrified of raising my child to believe s/he is ugly, a failure and everything else that is wrong in the world. What if I snap? What if I hit them? Like, I know i'm not my mom, but has anyone ever just became their mom after they gave birth?????? Help.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:08 PM on Jul. 1, 2010 in Pregnancy

Answers (20)
  • honey you've gotta break the cycle! You know what your mom did, you know how you felt, Don't do those things! I was told I was fat and ugly most of my childhood by relatives, I tell my daughter every day how pretty she is. Things like that!
    DarkFaery131

    Answer by DarkFaery131 at 10:10 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • no, i learned from her mistakes. she was a great mom, but still made some mistakes that i won't do with my kids. she had a very rough childhood and used that to become a better parent than she had. she succeeded in breaking the cycle and so can you.
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 10:11 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • i had a lot of issues like that for my first pregnancy. i swear my midwives were like therapists!
    i think that is why God gives us 9 months to carry our babies, so we can be better prepared!
    i now have 5 kids, and while i still worry that i am not doing good enough, i feel like i have already done better than my mom.
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 10:11 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • there are some things i didn't like about the way i was raised and i took those things and knew that i would NEVER treat my kids like that or do some of those things to my kids. because i know how hurtful or how wrong those things were. you take what you have gone through and grow from them. they are what makes you strong. learn from your experiences and give your baby what you didn't have! you can be the better person!
    nickellmomof2

    Answer by nickellmomof2 at 10:11 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I went through this. My mother is a welfare abusing drug addicted whore.

    The thing is, you know the way she was is wrong, and that's half the battle. Talk to your OB and tell her how you're feeling. She'll be able to recommend local support and free parenting classes.

    You can pm me if you need to chat.
    You're going to be a great momma.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 10:12 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • My mom's mother was terrible to her when she was a child, and my mom ended up being the best mom I could ever imagine. You do NOT have to take after your mom in parenting!
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 10:12 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • this is your best chance to prove that you are nothing like her and to be a better mother! you do not have to be the parent she was, she has given you an example of what you do NOT want to do to your kids.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 10:12 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • well as evil as your mother maybe she raised you to know right from wrong. So use your brain to do right by your child. Everyone of us has fears-- failure looms large. However so does success. So set your self up to be the best mother you can be.
    My mother lies, and lies so much that she believes it her self. I never lie. I make sure to tell my kids the truth. Even if it is something embarrassing. I told my teen who saw her cousin shoplift that when I was a teen i did the same thing. I told them it is tough to learn the lesson that stealing is wrong. However some of us have to do things the wrong things.
    I keep telling them things that I have done wrong because they need to learn. Honesty works out to be the best policy here.
    So keep in mind that good things can come from strong examples. Your mother may be the strongest example you may have.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 10:13 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • The fact that you are worried about those things just shows that you won't! I have a good friend who had the absolute worst childhood. Her mom was a druggy/prostitute who apparently never used birth control. Sometimes she gave birth to the kids, most of the time she aborted them. My friend was the oldest child and from a young age had to care for the other children. She said her mom beat them all. My friend says she used to have to shield the other kids from her mom having sex with men in front of them or take the kids out of the room when the police busted the mom. Her youngest sister drowned in the backyard pool while her mom was 'sleeping' (by this time my friend had moved out so she wasn't there to care for the sister).
    Anyways, my friend was so scared she would be like her mom. She is a great mom! Don't worry, just do the right things!
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 10:14 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • My mom left me with my dad when I was 6 weeks old. she didn't see me for MONTHS. She came back when I was 5-6 months old. I didn't even know this until I was 18, but it tore me up after I had my daughter. One day when my dd was about 6 weeks old I looked at ehr and though, "How could she leave me when I was this old?". It broke my heart and I sat there and bawled for a very long time. I'm still very angry about it. I don't understand how she could not love me. I think that each mom is her own. You will look at your baby, hold that tiny little boy or girl in your arms and your heart will be theirs. There is nothing you can do about it. It might take some time to fully bond, but trust me, it takes very little to love that baby. And knowing how your mom made you feel will help you keep from making the same mistakes with your little one. Relax, momma, you'll do just fine :)
    rhianna1708

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 10:14 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

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