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2 Bumps

am I just being selfish? Does no one understand??

Okay, so here's the situation.

We have a 3 1/2 year old son and a 15 month old daughter. We LOVE them so much! We also had a stillbirth at 30 weeks, that was our first daughter (the middle child).... The void is still there and we are trying for another baby.

The problem? Our friends dont support us.... My Husband and I are both in school, he works as an EMT and only makes 13/hr. We survive, we have a 3 bdrm house we rent and a great backyard etc.... We have everything we need for a new baby but we do struggle soemtimes and thats why SOME of our friends do not agree. We are both going to be RN's.... We have a better future lined out and we want another baby so badly.

So, am I just selfishy trying to fill this void? I've always wanted 3 kids and although I have had 3, I want to raise 3. So that would mean having 4, my 4th c-section as well....

I just need some opinions please.

Answer Question

Asked by AshJoe05 at 11:04 PM on Jul. 1, 2010 in Trying to Conceive

Level 17 (3,651 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • I think that you are both aware of the financial strain it may cause but it sounds like you also know how to deal with it. If you both feel this way then it shouldn't matter what the rest say. I can understand wanting to fill the void as you say so go for it. Good luck!

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:07 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • If you want to have another baby and you CAN afford it go ahead ... who cares what anyone else thinks. I would say just wait until you or your husband makes enough money so you don't struggle somtimes.... that can be so stressful

    Answer by kaylan010 at 11:07 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • First just let me say I can't imagine what it would be like to go thru that. I think that if you are struggling with money it may be a good idea to wait just until you get out of school and in a more stable position. I don't think that you can fill the void by having more children I think its something you need to work thru maybe talking to a therapist could help. Even if you have another baby what if you still feel the same way? No one can make this decision for you but its something that you need to give thought to when you're bringing a new life into this world. Good luck

    Answer by Nattiesmom10 at 11:11 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • It's not selfish. I hope you guys all the best! Me and my hubby are going to be RN's too....I'll do it after him though...he just got accepted this fall into the RN program! I think it'll be a great career choice for you and your husband that will allow you to live comfortably!!! I say go for it...and don't worry about what others say! xoxoxo

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 11:11 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I don't think it is selfish at all, I don't think giving someone life is ever selfish.

    Answer by mybella81 at 11:11 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • The greater majority of people in the world do struggle sometimes. It's not a perfect world. If everyone waited or chose not to have children because of less than perfect financial situations, there would be very few children in the world. Do what makes you happy. If you two feel that you can financially and emotionally support another child, go for it.

    Answer by DawnA72 at 11:12 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • it doesnt matter wht anyone else say all tht matters is tht you can handel it.. how is bringing another life into this world selfish? its not!

    Answer by Rachelxbby at 11:13 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • I say go for it. I think your maternal instincts are more of an important factor than your financial situation. Just think, what if you did wait and then something happened and you couldn't have any more children? You'd regret waiting. It doesn't sound like you'll regret getting pregnant now. Plus if you get pregnant now, I seriously doubt your child would ever grow up and say "ya know mom, I really wish you would've waited a couple more years before you had me so you could buy me better baby formula and let me sleep in a new crib instead of an old one" you get my point. Go for it girl. Where there's a will, there's a way.

    Answer by AlleyK at 11:15 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • btw I think your friends are probably just worried about you and your family and looking out for you- i'm sure they love you and don't want to see you struggle. but you have to do what's right for your family.

    Answer by AlleyK at 11:16 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

  • A lot of people prefer to get their careers first then start a family but sometimes it does not work out that way. Looking at your situation and listening to what you are saying it sounds like you wnt the baby now but I think it would be best to concentrate on your career then try for the next baby it will be extra work for you going to school and being pregnant taking care of 2 kids and your hubby take it slow you will have your baby just be patient...Ask God for direction he is right there waiting for you to talk to him God Bless You! GL

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 11:16 PM on Jul. 1, 2010

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