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2 Bumps

How do I handle a stepmother that doesnt know what shes doing?

I thought i would ask my question on this site and see if anyone else here has been in my situation. I have 5yr old twin boys and they are the light of my life. Their father dissapeared for 2 yrs and shows back up with a new wife and baby. He refuses to communicate with me at all if theres a problem with the kids he doesnt care he just hangs up on me, tries to make me go through his wife with any problems which i refuse to cause i didnt make my kids with her and honestly dont care what she thinks or says. Ive managed to ignore her childish games for the most part but lately she has been putting my boys in the middle of it and has started to treat them badly since she found out she cant get the order of child support vacated. She talks badly about me to them, doesnt supervise them when they are left with her, steals every dime she can from them, and worst of all she plays favorites between them which can cause damage to twins.


Asked by Mom_o_twinboys at 3:33 AM on Jul. 2, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 5 (60 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Does the father have court ordered visitation? If not, give him supervised visits until he stops mistreating your boys. You should be able to take your child support order to your local Child Support Enforcement and they'll take it out of his paycheck every week. I understand where you are coming from I was a SM until I adopted my son and I have biochildren. I was worried about my son's "stepmom" mistreating him but, they treat him good. If there is a visitation order I would contact an attorney and see what you can do to revise it so the SM isn't left with the children. And when she tries to speak with you about the children just tell her you would prefer to speak to their father if HE has a problem. Good luck.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 7:38 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • Maybe you should try a new approach? How can she "steal every dime" from 5YO boys? How do YOU know she plays favorites if you don't talk to either of them? Maybe you should try to work with this woman instead of against. For the sake of your children?

    Answer by BuddyRoo at 3:47 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • Well she is the one in control of the finances so shes the one that makes sure his child support is payed and since they have been together ive only been getting 1 check every other month and its suppose to be bi weekly. I know she plays favorites because its his family that calls me and tells me how she treats them in social settings i can only imagine how she is at home they tell me these things because he refuses to talk to anyone about her behavior

    Comment by Mom_o_twinboys (original poster) at 4:10 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • Your children are only 5 and if they are the light of your life you need to change your ways. She is the one that is taking care of them so you may have to talk to her. Getting along is more important than what you think is right (that you should talk to him). If you have shared custody then there isn't much that needs talked about. When the boys are with them what they do is up to the father and stepmother. You need to be a good enough mother to them to make up for whatever goes wrong at dad's.

    If there are problems with support you need to go to the proper office or court and have it taken out of his check and direct deposited in your account. It's the father's responsibility to pay and it's strange to blame her. You may have to deal with this woman the rest of your life.


    Answer by Gailll at 5:51 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • First of all i dont need to change anything about myself I am a good mother I mind my own business I dont put my nose in their business because i dont care what they do with their lives UNTIL it starts to affect MY children. I have sole custody of my kids and always have they have never resided with their father. Neither of them seem to have the capacity to act like mature adults. Being the parent of multiples is way different than having one at a time, I am just trying to do my job as their mother to protect them and the way this woman is going is making my job harder to do my best make sure my kids come out of their childhood mentally intact. She doesnt care about my kids and has told me herself that shes going to do everything possible to take my kids from me so he doesnt have to pay child support anymore. All i want is for him to step up and handle his business as their father himself and stop hiding behind his wife.

    Comment by Mom_o_twinboys (original poster) at 6:34 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • Yes, you're right. you're super special because you have a golden uterus that produces TWINS! As if it's a super's actually genetic. Lots of people do it and you're just not that special. Nor does it take super powers to care for twins. Different? Yes. Super powers required? No.

    Have you considered trying to act like an adult? Because this post makes you sound really immature. Really. I'm sure you're a wonderful human being and so are your kids. But you're missing the big picture.

    This other gal? She's going to be around. For a long time probably. You're not in competition for some guy. It would be in your best interest to foster a good relationship for your KIDS' sakes. Get over yourself and focus on what's important.


    Answer by BuddyRoo at 7:05 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • Ok so explain how im immature. Why you feel i should sit by and do nothing while my kids are being mistreated. Oh and could you please point out where i ever said having twins takes super powers cause i believe my exact words were that its "way different"

    Comment by Mom_o_twinboys (original poster) at 7:12 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • You made ZERO references to how your kids were mistreated.

    You said "and honestly dont care what she thinks or says."

    Do you think that is setting your kids up for a good situation away from home?

    Have you considered, for a moment, that your CHILDREN might be best served if you can find some grace and diplomacy?

    Answer by BuddyRoo at 7:37 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • Thank you very much mattewscandi for your input i will be contacting my attorney. If they were treating my children well then i wouldnt have an issue at all but just because they are not physically abusing my boys doesnt mean they not abusing them emotionally some people do not consider that abuse and I think thats absurd.

    Comment by Mom_o_twinboys (original poster) at 9:16 AM on Jul. 2, 2010