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To step moms, does your husband make you feel less important than his daughter?

Please no bashing.I love my step daughter as my own child.but we disagree alot on how to treat her.I want to treat them all the same.I treat her the same as my own bio kids.He acts as if she hung the moon when she is around.and now she lives with us.He told me last night to bear with him, and apologized for it.but I don't see any change coming soon.Does he make you feel less important?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on Jul. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • You are less important then his daughter... it's just the reality of the situation... that is a great father that child has.
    D.Tetz

    Answer by D.Tetz at 10:59 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • I would consider going to a counselor that specializes in Step-families.

    happytexasCM

    Answer by happytexasCM at 11:01 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • Ididn't have this with my step daughter, I had step sons and I grew up in a step family. If she is living with you. You need to have house rules. You and your husband must sit down and discuss a set of rules for your children that will apply to all children. He also needs to understand that you two are a team and that both of you must be willing to enforce the rules and consequences as well. You and he should have weekly meetings to discuss the family situation. Make is a scheduled time and treat it like it is an appointment, not something that can be put off. if he still refuses to combine families equally, then you might consider counseling.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 11:02 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • I must respectfully disagree with D. Tetz. The father should not treat his wife as being less important than a child. I personally do not believe that this makes him a great father. I actually think less of him as a father for this. By putting the daughter over the wife and the other children in the house, he is devaluing the wife and the other children and giving the daughter way to much authority in his life. He is also showing her that relationships between a husband and wife are not important. I know if my husband would treat my child different than his child and treat me as I was less important, and if he refused to change, I would leave. I am worth more than that and so are my kids.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 11:10 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • this sounds like bashing but there is no nicer way to put it...you ARE less important than his daughters and you always will be...it selfish to think he would choose you over his daughter...you have to put the jeleousy aside and come to terms with the fact that any of his kids including the ones you may have together will and should always be #1 to him.
    april262009

    Answer by april262009 at 11:53 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • Your going to have to decide what your going to do. Some people think that marriages are disposable when children come into the picture, like some of the ladies above me. I think the husband and wife relationship should ALWAYS come first and if he doesn't agree then you should take your children and leave him and his daughter.

    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 1:19 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • I agree 100% with layh41407. If he is disrespecting you and putting his child before you in a way that it can hurt your marriage then he's in the wrong. It sounds like he does love his daughter a great deal, but you are his WIFE. In what way is he putting her before you, if you don't mind me asking?
    jillisue808

    Answer by jillisue808 at 1:46 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • Nope, but if he did I would deal with it....as long as I was still respected and loved. She was there first. We have a blended family. His, mine and ours. We for the most present a united front, but there will always be situations when the loyality seems a bit cloudy. Read the book Blended Families...it helped us.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 3:34 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • omg do we live in the same house?????????????????? My husband puts my sd on a pedistool and acts like shes just the world...i mean dont get me wrong shes a good kid but she never never does anything wrong in his eyes and im always to blame for arguements and any problems i may have with her...and yes i feel he always puts me on the back burner and what she says is gold and what i say is from crap yep so i know what you mean!
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 9:09 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • Yes I have always felt that way. I figured that it was because he only got to see her on weekends. Well she has lived with us now for two years and it has gotten worse. She treats me horribly and he never gets after her. She yells at me and talks back she has never really respected me. We have fought over this for years. But he always puts her first. The rule is supposed to be spouse is no 1 and all kids are no 2 as all the kids should be treated equally. This is how I treat my husband and his our kids (his daugher and my sons). But yes the husband usually ends up putting his daughter first. Hopefully yours will get the clue, I have decided after 6 years of pleading, crying, talking and fighting over it, I have to walk away. I am sad, but hopefully it will be a lesson learned by him and hopefully by his daughter as I have spoken to her many times as well. It is not her fault that he doesnot back me up. Good luck!
    hlfinkle

    Answer by hlfinkle at 8:58 PM on Apr. 8, 2014

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