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My SO keeps making me feel bad because I haven't been in "the mood"... TMI

We found out I was pregnant about 4 weeks ago, and i've just felt awful (physically) So I haven't been in the mood as much as I used to be, we went from having sex every other day to once a week. Yesterday I found out that due to medical reasons we cannot have the baby, so needless to say i'm a little upset and emotional. Well last night, he tried to get some and when I told him no, he started saying "as usual, you don't even want me anymore...we're never going to have sex again" Thats what he's been saying everytime i'm not in the mood lately. I just don't know what to do... He makes me feel like i'm some big horrible prude. I told him I felt like he was just emotionless about this whole situation, how can he be in the mood the day we find out we can't have our baby? How can I fix this?

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allfiller

Asked by allfiller at 11:29 AM on Jul. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (802 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I had to explain to my guy.. that when you're prego you're hormones change so he will either have to deal with it or don't but he ain't gonna bring me down. & if your SO cannot understand your situation then he needs to check his priorities.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 11:30 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • "We" can't fix this. He needs to stop being selfish.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:31 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • A lot of times, men handle things differently than women. Most of the men I know tend to internalize their feelings, because they feel like they have to be "strong". Honestly, he may have been reaching out to you in a sexual way, just to try and feel that physical bond. To him that may feel like a way to connect with you.
    I would sit down and honestly talk to him about the reasons I have not felt like being intimate lately. Because it sounds like he is feeling rejected, and is getting ill as a result of it. I would try and make him understand that it was not a rejection of him, just that I did not feel up to the physical act of making love. Honey, try connecting with him in other intimate ways if you don't feel like it. Maybe watch a tv show and just put your head on his chest, or hold him close and snuggle.
    I am so sorry about your baby. Words cannot even express how sorry I am for how hurt you must be.
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 11:34 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • It's not necessarily that he's being selfish by just having those feelings. It's probably not the best way to communicate with you, though. It IS selfish the way he's speaking to you.

    A lot of wives don't understand that a husband receives far more than just physical pleasure through sex. The vast majority of husbands receive comfort and affirmation through physical intimacy. I know how hard it is to see through an emotion to attempt to be physically intimate, because for women, that is the LAST thing they want when they are upset. It could be that he is looking to you for comfort, and responding harshly when he feels that he is not receiving it. There is no excuse for being mean about not being able to have sex, but maybe he'll be a little more sensitive to your emotional needs if you talk to him about how you're feeling and let him know that it is in no way a reflection of your feelings for him.
    MamaRae85

    Answer by MamaRae85 at 11:37 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • Men can get comfort and affirmation through cuddles and kisses....they do NOT need sex for that. My boyfriend has never pushed me into having sex if I wasn't in the mood and he is the only boyfriend to do that. He also loves cuddling.

    People use sex to fill a void or hole too much..there are other ways to feel comfort. I would tell your boyfriend that sex isn't everything and if he is feeling like he needs comfort then you can cuddle. I think its unfair that he is expecting you to have sex at such a hard time. I am sorry you are having to go through this.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 11:41 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • google it, and print up an article about how your hormones change alot of things...if anything it will at least help him stop feeling like hes the reason you dont want to....my bf and i barely have sex anymore...(9 months prego) and i got the guilt trip too....its an ego thing it might not even be fixable. also im sorry about the baby situation men show there emotions differently plus babies grow inside of the women not the man so they dont have a huge attachment until they can actually see them like with an ultrasound. good luck.
    april262009

    Answer by april262009 at 11:44 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • He probably is emotional about it too.Men just show emotions in different ways than woman. Maybe that is the way he wants to connect with you, He probably feels rejected by you. Talk to him about it, and remember that the longer you hold out on him the more hurt and rejected he is going to feel.
    BlainesMommy09

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 11:44 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • You are tired.And you should be tired.I was never in the mood when I was pregnant.I felt like someone was watching him from the inside of me.I know it is weird.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 11:46 AM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • men will be men.. I am sorry for your loss but men are just not sensitive to these types of things. they dont carry the babies, they dont have to do much and mostly are insensitve hes just gonna have to take some cold showers
    navajomama7

    Answer by navajomama7 at 1:05 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • He is being selfish it is not you.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 3:28 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

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