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5 Bumps

Are you still a mom if....

...your child has been removed from your home by Child Protective Services, and you were given the option of going to drug treatment/alcohol treatment/anger management/ etc. and instead you chose to sign your rights away? There is a girl that I know who actually did this. Her daughter was removed from her home when she was thirty days old because of abuse and drug use in the home. Instead of trying to get her daughter back, she continued using and drinking. The child's grandmother (my acquaintance's mother) wound up fostering the child. When her daughter was three, she finally signed her rights away so that her daughter could be adopted. She only had custody of her daughter for thirty days, and has made no effort to get her back since then. However, she now claims that she's her child's mother, always has been, always will be... and I have no idea who could consider themselves a mother in a situation like that...

Answer Question

Asked by prinzesstephi at 3:10 PM on Jul. 2, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 12 (822 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • I would consider her only a biological mother... but not a "mommy" or a real "mom" by any means.

    Answer by Memigen at 3:13 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • She is the biological mom no matter how you slice it, but that's it. The real mom in the end is the woman who loves and cares for the child and raises her to adulthood.

    Answer by elizabr at 3:13 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • Sounds more like an egg donor than a mom to me.

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 3:14 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • Mom is an affectionate term, like mommy and mama, so no.

    I think she'd fall more under the category of "birth mother".

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 3:14 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • Sounds like my ex daughter in law. She gave birth to them..and then threw them away basically. I AM their Mom. I'm the one who picked up the pieces, walked the floor, was sleep deprived , spent more money on specialist than I can even count, kissed Boo Boos, encouraged homework...etc. Any animal can give birth. A Mother, A MOm gives the commitment after the birth. Sorry..more of a vent. Touchy subject for me.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 3:14 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • One more thing..OP..THANK YOU for asking a questions that requires brain power and a thought process to answer :)

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 3:16 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • The situation is a little strange because the child is being raised by her grandmother, so they do have contact with each other (maybe once a month)... but not for "visitation". It's mainly for family type functions (i.e. birthdays, fourth of july, holidays). But during those times she refers to herself as "Momma Feffy" (her name is Stephanie). It just seems to me that she's trying to force the title on to herself so that she can have the bragging rights without any of the actual parenting. It bothers me when men do this, and it bothers me just as much when women do it. But I've been criticized for thinking this way because so many women feel that you're a mother no matter what...

    Comment by prinzesstephi (original poster) at 3:16 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • no. shes not a mom..shes not this childs mom. she signed her rights away and let someone else be the childs mom.

    Answer by hotmama83227 at 3:16 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • guess she signed rights away
    no not the childs mother
    bio mother
    but not mother

    Answer by fiatpax at 3:19 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • She is her mom, not a good mom but she still gave birth to her. Does she deserve to be a mom... no. Does she deserve to be called a mother.... no. But the truth is that she is a mom. Not a good one but is still a mom.


    Answer by youngmom33 at 3:20 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

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