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3 Bumps

Spanking vs. domestic violence

Is spanking a child the same as someone hitting his or her significant other? I was thinking about this the other day. As parents, we justify spanking our children by saying that we are teaching him a lesson, gaining compliance, or stopping an unwanted behavior. If a man hits a woman for the same reasons, then we call it domestic violence or abuse and tell her to run away.
For example, if I spank my son because he backtalks then it's ok. But if a man hits his wife because she backtalks, then it's abuse. If I spank my son because he disobeys my command, it's called discipline. But if a man hits his wife because she disobeys his command, it's called abuse. I've heard people say that it teaches children to respect their parents. But if a man says that it teaches his wife to respect him, we call it abusive and controlling.
For the record, yes, I've spanked my son, and no, my DH has never hit me (nor have any previous BF)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:59 PM on Jul. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • First - spouse is my partner. It is not his job to train me. Whereas my son, it is my job to train him.
    Second-and I'm going to go out on a limb here, domestic violence is done in anger. I have never spanked my child in anger. Ever.

    Answer by new_mom808 at 9:02 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • There can totally be a difference. Domestic Violence is just that, it is VIOLENCE. Spanking a child should be done to discipline a child but IMO should be done gently. If one is angry they should step away from the child as it can easily turn violent and/or abusive.

    Answer by firenicecream at 9:06 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • I am a grown woman, I dont need any man thats not parent to tell me what I can do or what I can say. im not his child, therefore he has no reason to ever put his hands on me.

    My daughter is a child and as her mother it is my duty and job to make sure she is a well rounded, respectable young lady. Disciplining my daughter and teaching her right from wrong, respect from disrespect is my job as a parent.

    Answer by lilmsnay83 at 9:11 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • I believe this question has been answered very well. Nice job! I totally agree.

    Answer by layh41407 at 9:17 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • First off - spanking a child and beating a spouse are way two different things...
    Secondly - I spank my kids when they do things that are going to cause real harm (playing with the stove, running in the street...) and if I was doing those things I would hope someone would hit me... It's better than the alternatives.
    Thirdly - Beating one's spouse is about control and causes long term damage - mentally, physically and emotionally - spanking a child causes a moment of harm to their pride, but no more... And like I said, it's better than the alternative in most cases.

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 9:20 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • I agree with new_mom808

    Answer by wildwiccan83 at 9:21 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • I've been saying this exact thing for years OP! Why is it ok to hit someone just because they are your child? Why is it unacceptable to hit another adult, but it's ok to hit someone smaller than you who has less experience at life and fewer social skills? In any other situation we would call that bullying, but if the smaller person is your own child it's somehow ok? It makes no sense! No matter how much people try to sugar coat it and use "nice" terms like "discipline" and "correcting", it is still HITTING.

    And by the way...there are places today where husband DO treat their wives like that and it IS considered ok simply because it's the accpepted norm. (In other words, they use the "well, everyone else is doing it!" excuse.) That does not make it RIGHT!

    Also...domestic abuse is NOT always violent. It can be more subtle (i.e. "gentle") than outright violence.

    Answer by jessradtke at 9:32 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • First - spouse is my partner. It is not his job to train me. Whereas my son, it is my job to train him.
    Second-and I'm going to go out on a limb here, domestic violence is done in anger. I have never spanked my child in anger. Ever.

    Totally agree! Well said.

    Answer by Tes...Jacksmami at 10:07 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • NO NO NO. SPANKING IS NOT DISCIPLINE. It's PUNISHMENT. There is a difference and YES it's just like spousal abuse. It's emotional not logical. It's NOT EFFECTIVE that's why people who spank say "I keep spanking but he/she still does it!" It is battery by a big person on a smaller person. What does that sound like? Sounds like a BULLY who doesn't know how to deal properly in the moment.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:36 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

  • There is no difference. Hitting a member of your household is domestic abuse. People just like to call it spanking instead of hitting or beating because it makes them feel better. It's just sugar coating. It's no different from the women who argue that their spouses aren't really abusive because they don't leave bruises, they're just trying to justify their actions.

    I don't hit my husband and I don't hit my child. We are all quite capable of forming loving and respectful relationships with each other without the need for physical violence.

    Answer by RhondaVeggie at 10:56 PM on Jul. 2, 2010

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