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3 Bumps

Catholic, turned Atheist/Agnostic

My husband grew up Catholic. Baptised, within weeks of his adoption (around 3 months old), first communion, confirmed, we were both married in the parish he grew up in & the same priest who gave him all these prior sacraments. Almost never missed mass.

I too have been Catholic all my life, although I've missed mass more frequently than I've wanted to in the past 3 years since having children. We get into a squabble about going to mass this Sunday. So I ask him (because I've always suspected it, even before we got married)..."Do you even believe in God?"

His answer is what you're expecting.

Confused. Yes, I am. He tells me he thinks christianity, god, the virgin mother, jesus...is all made up. I feel lied to, hurt, and upset. We've had our hard times but have always made it thru. What would you do and how can you stay married if your husband doesn't follow the same beliefs as you do?

Answer Question
 
mom23boys679

Asked by mom23boys679 at 3:07 PM on Jul. 3, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 11 (578 Credits)
Answers (28)
  • Easy.

    You have Your beliefs...and he has his. You worship your god in your own way...and does what he wants. You live and let live.
    MamaK88

    Answer by MamaK88 at 3:11 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • Pray, and read the book "Power Of A Praying Wife"
    MomOfDagJag

    Answer by MomOfDagJag at 3:11 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • I've had to deal with some suspicions(sp?) of my own lately with my husband. He never used to take the Lords name in vain and now it's like common talk. Seriously, it kills me. He's had some problems with people at church and we're just not on the same page anymore.
    I think all you can do is be an example of your religion to him. Keep doing what your doing and maybe even step it up a notch. Ask him to still support you in your beliefs/knowledge/faith even if he doesn't believe...ask him to help you out with the kids by coming to church and helping you.
    Best thing of all is to rely on God. Take all of your burdens to Him, and do what you can on your part. xoxoxo
    CAGirl4

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 3:11 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • He's confiding in you something that couldn't have been easy for him to say. Give him space to define his own beliefs while you still follow yours. You can't make him believe something he doesn't. 

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 3:14 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • You can, but you will have to choose to respect him in spite of the fact that you feel you have been deceived. My suggestion would be that you go and talk to the priest who married you, if he is still around. If he isn't, consider finding another that you have trust in and respect for and ask him for help in your current situation. I am not Catholic, so I don't know what they would tell you to do. You really should talk to someone who is familiar with all the doctrines of your church. It may not make you feel any better, but the same thing happens to Christian women, too. They marry, thinking their husbands believe as they do, then find out later they have been deceived. I pray you find someone who can encourage you. In the meantime, I would take the children and attend services by myself, without nagging him to go along.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:14 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • Thanks so far everyone. I'm definitely going to take the advice that was given. It's just going to be hard as I feel I've been deceived and lied to. I know these things happen, but I'm going to see if I can contact the priest who married us. He is no longer in the diocese, but maybe a call to the diocese might help me be able to contact them.
    mom23boys679

    Comment by mom23boys679 (original poster) at 3:18 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • If your husband has gradually lost his faith over time, he didn't deceive you. He wasn't lying to you, and it's probably taken him years to admit, even to himself, that he no longer believes in the religion he was brought up in. If you really love him, you will be supportive of his new beliefs. That doesn't mean you yourself need to convert, but it does mean you should be respectful when talking to him about what he believes. Don't try and bring him back to the faith, trust that he is a grown man, and capable of making his own decisions. If you wish to remain Catholic and raise your children that way, he should be able to show you the same respect you are willing to show him.
    my2.5boys

    Answer by my2.5boys at 3:22 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • I, like your husband, was raised Catholic but am now an Atheist. It doesn't sound like you were deceived. If you suspected he didn't believe before your marriage you should have asked then. Two, I bet he went through a long journey to let go of the beliefs of his childhood and probably still considered himself a Catholic for a long time. It's hard to give up the beliefs that everyone you love holds, and admit the truths you hold in your heart, when you know that people like your own wife will be disappointed in you. Congratulations on having a good marriage - one in which your husband felt he could tell you that he doesn't believe as you do. I'm sure that wasn't easy for him, knowing as he must have that your reaction wouldn't be positive.

    Bezu

    Answer by Bezu at 3:37 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • Respect his choice and don't push him to go to mass. You can go on your own if you feel it's important. Obviously you do need to discuss how it made you feel because you were under the impression he was Catholic due to going to mass with you in the past, but odds are he did it to keep you company and spend time with you despite not believing himself. I don't think he did it to hurt you. Oh and work out an activity you guys can do together as well like family bowling the day before or something.
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 4:20 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • I think you should support him because thats what you would probably want in return. There are plenty of other things to love him for. I hope your husband is respectful of you and validates what you feel is important and vise versa. Me and my hubby are completely opposite and yep, even iin beliefs. Mama, throw it on God and pray...best wishes.
    3gigglemonsters

    Answer by 3gigglemonsters at 4:27 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

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