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Why doesn't my husband desire me?

My husband and I haven't had sex since the 23rd of last month and today is the 3rd of July. Last night he told me that he is depressed and that is the reason why he doesn't want to have sex. I guess he is angry with me and resentful for having to pay out the majority of his check to bills but it seems to be ok when I do it. How am I supposed to be faithful to him when half of the time I feel like he is not attracted to me. He only sees me as a boss. The only time we have sex is if I initiate it or just go off on him. I am so unhappy right now. What am I supposed to do?

Answer Question

Asked by balancingmother at 4:54 PM on Jul. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (81 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Maybe you should sit him down and talk to him about going to the Dr. for his depression issues.


    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 4:56 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • Definitely encourage him to seek help. In the meantime, wear sexy undies and nightgowns to bed. Go on a date somewhere you'll both enjoy. Go to the restroom n come back n pretend u don't know him ( role play). Remind him how much fun u have together when u don't sweat the small stuff.
    Seriously I hope he finds help.

    Answer by Vero0724 at 5:00 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • Don't be unfaithful to him. If he is depressed try to help him get through it. I am sorry, but you kind of sounded a little selfish when you said you find it hard to be faithful to him cause it has only been about 10 days? That's pretty bad on your part. JMO though. Work with him and talk to him and give it more days then 10.

    Answer by Michele068 at 5:02 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • My DH has been like this lately. Money is tight lately and I guess for men that decreases sex drive like it does some women after they have a baby and they are exhausted.

    Answer by reesemom at 5:03 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • If he is not feeling like the man in the relationship try dressing up like a french maid and do your hair and make- up so you feel sexy and do be doing the dishes or vacuming when he comes home. Than enjoy.


    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 5:03 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • If this is the reason for his depression, maybe you guys can develop a different budgeting strategy. When I was married and had a job along side my husband, all the money went into a joint checking account. Minus whatever OT we got at our jobs. Back then I was working a ton of OT. But even that money went for clothes, school supplies, family stuff. You didnt say if you are a sahm or wm, but you did say you pay the bills sometimes. This has got to be a joint arrangement between the two of you. There are no more his bills and her bills, it is our bills. A joint checking account with a certain percentage being put in it per month will help to clear up this situation. I guess he just wants to feel in control of the finances again, this will give him leverage and you get your husband back..::)

    Answer by beyondhopes at 5:04 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • Don't take it personally cuz it's not all about you. Guys suffer sometimes w low libidos, and stress is a HUGE cause of that. Satisfy yourself w/o being unfaithful and give it a few weeks. If nothing has changed by then maybe you need to get outside help, good luck.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 5:18 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • I would start to take care of it now talk to him and figure out what is going to change this have you asked him if he needs therapy and I would sit down and budget. I would also get a job and or go back to school. The more you do for yourself the more you have to bring to the table. I would also suggest some counseling for you as a couple what seems like a bedroom problem can and is always something outside of the bedroom. GL Momma

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 5:23 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • I like the idea about putting a percentage of our paychecks towards household bills. I feel like I've been paying over 90 percent of my check towards household bills for a long time. His check fluctuates so much because he is a sales rep so hopefully this idea will make him feel better. Maybe then I can get some sex. I'm not being selfish but I feel like I had sex more often when I was single. Thursday was our anniversary and still nothing.

    Comment by balancingmother (original poster) at 5:50 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • I think you might help him find you more desirable by concentrating on meeting some of his needs, other than for sex. Men need to be admired and respected. When asked, those are the things listed as being desired from their wives. Also, he needs for you to show him gratitude for the things he does. Too often, men feel like they are taken for granted. They like being told they are good dads, good providers, good at whatever it is they do for a living.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:17 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

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