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It's a costody thing!

My 11 yrs old step-daughter wants to live with us! Thats great !!only problem is that her mom is a total BITCH!! I know everyone says this but in our case it's very true, just a quick overview for you! She is 35 married 3 times have 4 kids oldest is 21,all different dads,and the longest any of the kids have gone to the same school is 4 yrs!! she moved to another state 6 yrs ago,and has made it difficult for us to see dd, Well my sd has been staying with us for a few weeks now,and we have really had some time to bond,she has confided in me that her mom is extremly hard to live with(not a shock)she has even been physically abusive to her older daughter,and she is mentally abusive to my sd,(u don't miss/love me) u like them better,that stuff so of couse the mention of living with us didn't go well she even theatened my sd by saying if we tried to go to court that it wont be pretty! So what should/can we do? legally? any advice??

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Jul. 3, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • When does she turn 12? Most states will allow a child to decide once they turn 12.

    Answer by heidi37217 at 5:00 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • I have never had to deal with custody issues however look up the laws in both her state and yours. I think in most states they take into consideration where the CHILD wants to live if they are over a certian age. Also document everything from her making it hard to see SD to the threats to the SD.

    Good Luck and if you feel SD would be better off with you and her dad then FIGHT for her so you can give her the best chance at a good future rather then follow in her moms footsteps.

    Answer by Michele975 at 5:01 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • The biggest thing with custody battles is documentation. You need to write everything down and get whatever records you can. Plus, at some point, courts do take child preferences into account.

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 5:01 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • I mean if the child is really be abused then maybe you have some grounds to file an emergency motion for custody, but make sure that is the case, do some investigating to get to the truth otherwise those are serious allegations if not true and it will only throw your credibility out the window. It doesn't matter the Bio-moms age or how many kids she has with how ever many men, it's all about the best interest of the child. Is she well cared for up to date on doctor/dentist visits. It is really hard to take a child away from it's mother in the court system...she has to be a drug addict or in prison or abusing or neglecting a child before anything can be done. Get a free consultation from an attorney in your area and see what your options are. If you can prove she is being abusive or neglecting the child than or if the sibling is abusing the child then file an emergency motion you'll go to court the next week instead of months.

    Answer by geminisummerz at 5:04 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • Take the kid to counseling and talk to a lawyer. Counseling even if it does not get you custody will really help her deal with all that is going on.

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 5:07 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • SAME situation w my sd. Her mom kicked her out and we got custody. You do have a good chance, even just on the grounds that you can provide more stability. Get her in counseling asap, and get a gaurdian ad litem- this will be a huge help. I doubt that your sd will be able to tell her mom how she really feels b/c her mom will guilt trip her to death. You have to have a counselor to be her voice.. good luck and God bless.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 5:14 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • Just remember that this is about what is BEST for your SD. How many "baby daddies" her bio mom has is completely irrelevant as long as she's able to provide for the kids. Now, if she were sitting on her butt feeding off of different men, bringing them into the home and what not, that might have some bearing, but you didn't mention that, so i'm going to assume that's not the case. If you, your husband, and your SD all agree that it would be best for her to live with you guys, you need to get a lawyer, and take it to court. Like a PP said, make sure she's appointed a Guardian ad-litem so her bio mom cannot pressure her, or guilt trip her. I would get on that ASAP!

    Answer by milfalicious08 at 5:22 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • how old is she? Look up the laws in BOTH states and also make sure that this is not a spur of the moment... and/or manipulation thing .. sounds cold but often happens. Do your research but don't say a thing... if she con. to bring it up... Have DAD talk to her and to make sure that she really wants it... let her know he is willing to try but it could be a long process... also be prepared that it would likely be a costly one as well.
    Good Luck.

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 6:23 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

  • If this were me I would tell her she is always welcome in our home, we want her with us, and we will let a judge decide who should be the lucky parent she can live with. This way I say nothing negative about her mother and she is aware that we love her, want her, and are taking steps in that direction. Then I hire a lawyer and go to family court. My husband would be encouraged to continue to be civil and tell biomom that he understands both parents want to raise but only one can have her most of the time. So no arguing on his part and let the lawyer do the work. While you can't control what bio mom does - the point would be that sd understands you cate to try.

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:02 PM on Jul. 3, 2010

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