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HOW HARD IS IT TO FORGIVE AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT?

ITS EASY TO TELL SOMEONE THAT YOU FORGIVE THEM BUT HOW DO U ACTUALLY FORGIVE AND MEAN IT?

 
newmommyjazz

Asked by newmommyjazz at 7:53 AM on Jul. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,750 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • It starts inside of you. The questions you have to ask yourself are...did that person mean to hurt me? Is the relationship I have with this person strong enough to weather a storm of this magnitude? Was this truly an unforgivable act? People do things all the time not meaning to harm the relationships they have, but we also have to be sensitive to the idea that not only are they not perfect, but neither are we! Haven't you ever done something that offended another person by accident? Then you felt bad or guilt and that other person withheld forgivance? How did that make you feel? It does hurt and really the person holding the grudge is far more likely to have problems down the road than the one that they held against. That person eventually moves on away from it but the grudge holder is stuck holding the bag. Is it worth it to you to be stuck holding the bag is the real question here! Good luck!
    bronsmom

    Answer by bronsmom at 9:46 AM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • I agree that forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. After 35 yrs I forgave the man who raped me in college. I will never forget but the hate and anger was eating me up inside. I had to find a way to let that go and a friend said to Forgive the rapist. Not easy when you see them often in life. I decided I had to do it for my own peace of mind. You will always remember but it won't eat you alive from within if you forgive and say it out loud (even if in a room alone). That helps, believe it or not. The power of saying things aloud is amazing. There is healing power in it then time will take care of the rest.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:21 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • When my husband cheated on me I forgave him after a long time but i told him I would never forget. Trusting him on the other hand is something that will take a whole lot longer.
    drs1206

    Answer by drs1206 at 7:58 AM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • your definently right about that
    newmommyjazz

    Comment by newmommyjazz (original poster) at 8:22 AM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • depends on the person. me I forgive easily but wont interact w that person anymore.
    mrsary

    Answer by mrsary at 1:22 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • Ok I've been thinking about this more. Maybe it's easier to understand the empowerment of forgiving. Let's say for example a dh cheated. Once you have decided to forgive you start working toward rebuilding the relationship. Every time you look back and let the incident pop back in to your mind you are giving the other woman power over your life. So not following through with the forgiveness allows her back in to your life. Don't let her control you. You control you. This is why the forgiveness is necessary for you. It empowers you to say "no" to bad thoughts. That way you can move on and make your relationship stronger than before.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:56 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

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