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2 Bumps

spin off topic of DV and It sparked something in me to speak out...

I also, at one point in time, was a victim of DV. I came to cafemom and vented and mustered up the strength to stand up for myself.

I personally find it insulting when people who have never been in A DV act as though it is so easy to just get up and leave with nothing but the clothes on your back, a social security card, and ID. Maybe some cash if you haven't been stripped of that too. Before I ever got assaulted I would always say If he ever put his hands on me I'd be gone" and it was easy to say when I didn't think it was possible. But one day it became possible, and I was lost, I was shocked like most other women. And I stayed because I didn't have family, resources, and I was fearful of him and what he would do.

I too was abused as a child, I too saw my mother at the hand of another man, I too witnessed that and thought I'd do everything I would have to the instant things got out of control, cont...


Asked by DomoniqueWS at 7:11 PM on Jul. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,109 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Thank you for your comments. You are right, it is easier to say what we would do when we aren't actually in the situation, often when we are in a bad situation we handle it differently then we thought we would. I think I know the question you are referring to and I really hope that person has a lot of support around her.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 7:21 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • My mom left with five kids, no job, no money, clothes on our backs and that was it.

    You are right when you say that it isn't as easy as people think it will be, but after watching my mom leave with all of the baggage she had, I can tell you for sure I would leave. I am sorry if you offened by that statement. But it is the truth. Maybe I can say that because I have never once been more in love than I was smart in my choices. I looked for a man that was not like my father. I chose a man that was not controlling and abusive. If there was any sign of control issues, I would not have married him or had kids with him.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 7:23 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • but when you are the witness instead of the victim it is easy to say what you would do, I used to say what I would do. Eventually I did do what was needed but it's not the flip of a switch like most women on here seem to think.

    So I ask when a woman comes on here and asks advice, if you can't speak off of what you have done and did do, just offer support, not hypothetical s. I at a time was one who would point out hypotheticals until I was in the situation and I did not do what I said I would do. Just that things are often more easily said than done.

    Just maybe some women should take that into account because most women don't stay with their abusers because its no easy to leave. They stay because they are scared, of losing money, a home, their children, etc. Just offer support

    So if would like to add to this feel free, you may also delete since there is no question, but I'm going to delete it anyway soon.

    Comment by DomoniqueWS (original poster) at 7:15 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • I will also say that maybe it is easy for me to say that because I have prepared myself in case it were to ever happen. I have a stash of money and all the account info, so I could leave if I needed to.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 7:25 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • I'm not offended by your comment but when someone is in the situation, we all know what we would do right? we all have it in our minds? Some men surprise us...but when someone needs solid advice I feel like instead of I would do this, I would do that, it's hard to even read it because do you think the victim didn't once say that to herself too?

    so even some advice would help, like this is what my childhood was like...this is what your kids are seeing, etc. That type of advice opened my eyes. Once upon a time. And I feel like you SleepingBeautee have some solid experience but you aren't able to speak thru your moms eyes, or mine, but maybe you can speak from a POV of the child. That sparks emotion in all moms.

    Comment by DomoniqueWS (original poster) at 7:28 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • You are right! But I don't think that all advice from someone not in it should be discounted. In the future I will be sure to speak to the pov of the child. Thanks for sharing your story, maybe it will help people not be so harsh in their advice. I know I will be more mindful when I give advice on the subject.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 7:33 PM on Jul. 4, 2010