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How to bulid my self-esteem

I come from a background of poverty and neglect and for so many years I've had a negative self-image and low self-esteem. My parents could care less about me or my siblings and I wasn't taught how to be assertive and stand up for myself, nor was I given much love or affection. As a result of my negative upbringing, I have struggled with passivity, depression, anxiety, and a variety of other problems.

I want to learn how to love and believe in myself , and let go of all the hurt from my past. I feel bad about myself because I missed out on so many opportunities that other people take for granted, learning how to drive, getting a good education, learning how to use computers, and standing up for myself. I got my GED when I was 19, but I still have to start from scratch because I missed so much school when I was a child. I am back in college and I am making the right steps towads getting a college education, but I need help.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:24 PM on Jul. 4, 2010 in About CafeMom

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Self esteem comes from doing... accomplishments. You didnt have the encouragement to try. It wasnt that they didnt GIVE you self esteem... it is that they didnt give you OPPORTUNITY. But YOU can do that. Start by making a list of all the things you HAVE done. You obviously learned to use a computer, you got your GED... those are two GREAT starts to the list!! Now make a list of things you WANT to accomplish. Start small... dont start with "I want to travel through Europe" start with something like "I want to learn to drive" (I think I saw that in your post). Make a list. Then choose one... an easier one... and make a list of what you need to do to accomplish that item. Dont rush yourself... but do work towards it. As you check things off you will feel better and better about yourself.


    Answer by sahlady at 8:34 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • Go to therapy.

    Answer by drs1206 at 8:25 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • Make a list of the things that you HAVE Learned and the things that you do well. Call it something like "what I like about myself".

    If you are on here, are you a mom, or pregnant? How do you feel about being a mom? That is often a way to feel the self-esteem, looking at your child and know what you are doing right.

    Good luck. Friend me if you want. :)

    Answer by kjrn79 at 8:35 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • Tell yourself every day out loud that you are a unique person, gifted like no one else, and that you can be anything you want to be and you can do anything you want to do. Decide what you want to do with your life. Make that your goal. Then set some other short term goals that will help you reach your long-term one. Look around you for people who are being successful and ask them for advice. Don't be afraid to ask for suggestions. Not everyone who has made something of themselves was born with a silver spoon in their mouths. The first 18 or so years of our lives we don't have a lot of choices about where we live or the families into which we are born, but after that, we can determine to make the choices that will lead us to where we want to go, one day at a time. Talk to anyone who will talk to you about getting to where you want to be. You can do it if you set your mind to it, and your self-esteem will grow, too!

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:35 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • Well I think you have already made quite a few steps in the right directions. Are there support groups at your school or church that you could join? Sometimes others who have been through what you have can help build you up. GL.

    Answer by FuzNet at 8:36 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • Ok first GOOD JOB!! You are definately going in th right direction to becoming a better you. I would say get friends that believe in you and dont drag you down, always find a positive in what going on around you. Very hard to do when your under stress, but You can do it!! Listen to upbeat music. Dont feel bad for missing on an opportunity that you never had, find it a challenge and meet it head on. And know its not so much standing up for yourself, its more not being a doormat. Get your foot in that door for college, and a job. Always smile in the mirror, cause your looking at your beautiful self. I give my self little spa days that I do at home because they make me feel great and that helps with self image. They dont cost alot, and I look for the products at the dollar store or find recipes online that I can make out of things in my pantry.

    Answer by browningmom at 8:38 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • Sounds to me like you're on the right track. Great job!! I can relate somewhat to your upbringing. I've had self esteem issues for the better part of my life. Personally, I found that volunteering makes you feel great. I love helping others, and have found that as I help someone, I am lifting my own spirits, and that is what makes me feel good about myself. I volunteer at a local nursing home, just by going to visit some of the residents. It's a real day brightener for them and a great mood lifter for me! Good luck and I know you'll do fine!

    Answer by Robsmommy at 8:46 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • Get out and VOLUNTEER (hospital, nursing home, meals on wheels, your child's school, etc)! It is so good when you can help someone else who is worse off than you!

    Answer by plclemo at 9:01 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • You are headed in the right direction, be good to yourself, respect yourself, learn from everything you do. Your accomplishments will give you the belief you so desire. GL

    Answer by QandA at 8:39 PM on Jul. 4, 2010