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How can the children that you gave love and respect to be so rude and treat you with such disrespect?

I have a 17 yr old son who has 1 child and another 1 due in oct. he has informed me that i am not his childrens grandmother and that i will have no contact with them. he gets in alot of trouble in and out of jail. and i have had him arrested in the past for breaking into my house. i need help to understand... hurt and confused

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chelle7171

Asked by chelle7171 at 11:50 PM on Jul. 4, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • He's still a kid himself!
    My oldest brother didn't wise up until he was in his late 20's. Now he comes over, does family stuff and wants my parents in his life!...
    CAGirl4

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 11:53 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • Wow...I am so sorry. I don't have kids that are teens yet but one thing I can say is that you cannot control your son. He is his own person making very grown up choices. I can completely understand your hurt. Sometimes you just have to walk away and love them from afar. I would consider not fighting him on this. Let him be the adult and deal with consequences....I cannot imagine there wouldn't be a time that he'd need help or a sitter and that will end up being you. Even family can be toxic for us. Hang in there, this isn't about you.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:56 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • Sometimes you do your best.... but when they grow up they make their own choices.
    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 11:57 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • Um, is he on drugs? I can't judge what kind of parent you were, since I have no idea, but assuming you were a good parent the chemicals in drugs alter the brain. Also, assuming you were a good parent, you were not the only influence in his life. A poor model for a father, something traumatic that happened to him when he was young, the large part of his brain that was shaped by others at school/peers/family friends etc, could all be part of why he is going down this road. I don't know all the details but I hope he changes his life. In the meantime, can you circumvent him and form positive relationship with the mother(s) of his children?
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 11:58 PM on Jul. 4, 2010

  • I don't know what religion you are, but I'm Christian and I believe what I read in the Bible. When Eve ate the forbidden fruit, God told her that she would have sorrow with her children. She was banished to one side of the garden and her children were banished to the other side. I believe that we bear that sorrow with our children because of that. We love them so much, but they will hurt us at one point or another and all we can do is continue loving them and hope they will come around. I will keep you, your son, and YOUR grand-babies in my prayers. Regardless of what he says, you are their grandmother. Good luck to you hun.
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 12:00 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I have a 17 yr old dd and a 15 yr old son, I know what you are going through, its so hard sometimes. I read these messages from new mammas and it feels like we where there just a short while ago. We do our best and thats all we can do...Release him with love and hold on to those grandbabies.
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 12:07 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • sounds like your son has a lot of problems starting with anger and ending with responsibility...........for himself and whatever girl he is with. he is making adult decisions and just still a kid with a man's responsibility. the only thing you can do is love him.......no matter what, and keep telling him that, hes so young to have 2 kids and maybe not now but one day he will need your help, set boundries with him though, he cannot talk to you respectful, talk to him about safe, protected sex its so hard to have the money for kids these days with jobs being so hard to find, with adult children you are his voice of reason and all you can do is keep using your voice to steer him in the right direction. good luck
    ohio4

    Answer by ohio4 at 12:11 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • You don't want to hear this, but chances are there is a good bit of animosity there from the last 17 years, not just one arrest. My mother and I didn't speak for 5 years, I made the mistake of letting her back in because I had children and I felt that they deserved a grandmother (my MIL has passed) and I truly regret that choice. Now, cutting her out would just destroy my oldest... But letting her in is ruining my marriage and my own relationship with my kids... Maybe he doesn't want to risk that kind of thing. I don't know what your relationship was like while he was growing up, but chances are, he simply doesn't want a repeat...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:14 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I know how you feel. I raised three stepkids since 3,6, and 7years, they're 17,20 and 21 now, and i have a 12year old son. growing up we got along fine, but as they got older, they became very disrespectful and rude. I did everything for them , with them, than their own parents, but all that backfired on me. It seemed like i just wasted part of my life taking care of people who are so disrespectful to me now. But I just think, God will give me my blessings and don't expect any appreciation from them. You just do your best to take care of them and how they turn out is the way they'll turn out, you did your best. Don't take it personal. He'll need you before you need him. And you be there and just except that God will give you your blessings in the end.
    mrs2323

    Answer by mrs2323 at 12:16 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Seventeen with two babies? That is the saddest thing that I have heard today.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:41 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

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