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How can I make sure my step son knows I love him if his mother tells him I am bad?

My husband and I split when my daughter was 1yrs old and he hooked up with his friend girlfriend and got her preggo..he tried to be with her but didn't work out..we got back with each other while she was preggo with his son..so every since then she has made it clear she didn't want us in his life..but my husband loves his son and so do I..we didn't get to be apart of his life for the first year and a half because she moved him out of state when he was 2 months..and only moved back because her boyfriend told her to..she teaches my SS that her boyfriend is his daddy and my husband is his uncle..when he is with us he calls my husband daddy..and on his own he calls me mommy..but if he sees pics of us..he will say things like oh that is Tio about my husband..and she bad about me..but only when he sees pics of us..I feel bad for him because he has to be confused..I just don't know what to do..I hope he sees that we love him..

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mom_angelface

Asked by mom_angelface at 7:11 AM on Jul. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 7 (170 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • He will learn that you love him by how you treat him lovingly. There is going to be a lot of confusin about the different names, though. Maybe all the adults involved can discuss what each one is going to be called so there is consistency.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:18 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • actions speak louder then words. just make sure you never speak ill of her to him or even around him. my girlfriend uses a completely diff name (she made one up) when she talks about her ex and his wife. gl
    rileymommy

    Answer by rileymommy at 7:19 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • This girl (and I say girl because no mother would do this to their child) does not want to hear a thing my husband has to say..my husband feels he should be called daddy because he is his dad..and as for me letting him call me mommy..I just let him because I don't want him to feel like I don't love him..he sees my daughter call my mommy and when our baby start to talk she will be calling my mommy as well but he can't..he is already going to want to know why he has a different mother from his older and younger sisters..because my 4yr old already wants to know why I am not his mother..and as for as talking about her..no we don't even bring her up unless I tell him okay its time to go home with mommy..I do call her mommy..so he knows I am not trying to take his mothers place I just love him as well..and that is a good Idea about making up a random name..I like that..lol
    mom_angelface

    Comment by mom_angelface (original poster) at 7:33 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Just one more idea.........What about adding your first name to Mommy. For example "Mommy Cathy" (whatever your first name is).
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:46 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Omg!!! This is probably one of the most immature things I have ever herd! My court order I have in my divorice is that neither parent will bad mouth or put down the other parent in the childs presence. I live in florida. I wonder if u guys could get something similar. Obviously she doesn't look out for her childs best intrest and maybe the child would be better off with u and your husband.
    ashlee31627

    Answer by ashlee31627 at 7:55 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • yeah here in Texas it is considered child abuse..but because he is so young it would be hard to prove.. it is sad because she has made it clear that its not about her son..it's about how she feels..and she feels like I wrecked her family?? not sure how that is since we were on a split trial..but yeah I have tried for my SS to make nice with her..but she don't want to..she even just had another baby..but all she can bring up is how he left her when she was preggo..and my husband told her that he does not want to take him away..he just wants to get his right..nothing more nothing less..but no..even though I didn't like the fact he was with her when he was..I never kept my daughter away because I would rather me hurt then her..I don't understand how she cant feel the same way as a mother..
    mom_angelface

    Comment by mom_angelface (original poster) at 8:48 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Simply put...actions speak louder than words.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 9:45 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Actions do speak louder than words. My step son has been in my life since he was born. I love him just as I do my own son. When he was younger he would hear all kinds of things from his mom. But as he got older he knows I was only there to love and protect him. He is 18 now and I would say our bond is pretty close.
    Kari126

    Answer by Kari126 at 11:55 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

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