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help i'm so frustrated!! my husband thinks i'm yelling at him.....what would you do?

when i know that i had no intention of yelling at him, and i know that i wasn't even mad at him, sometimes he insists that i'm yelling at him even when i just get excited about something, and my voice goes even slightly above "normal" octave. i'm a very passionate/bubbly/loud person. it runs in my family, i can't help it. i don't speak in monotone. i wouldn't even know how. do you ladies have trouble controlling your voices when you get excited about things such as telling stories about things that happened to you or even in arguments? what would you do if your husband kept insisting you're yelling when you're not meaning to yell, but your voice might be higher than normal? i think part of the problem is that his mom speaks in a soft barely above a whisper tone ALL the time and maybe he's used to that but it's hard for me to change!! i really need your help please

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Asked by pmg1030 at 7:31 AM on Jul. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,514 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I deal with this same family his really loud..people always say we yell at each other as if we were in different and my husbands family is some what quiet.. they talk and stuff but nothing like us so when we talk to each other sometimes he tells me "you don't have to yell at me" in my head I am like oh I can show you but I guess when your like us we just have to deal with people sometimes thinking we yell when we don't I don't think I even know how to sorry if that was no help..just wanted you to know your not alone in

    Answer by mom_angelface at 7:38 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I think you have properly diagnosed the problem: He is comparing you with dear old mom. There's not a whole lot you can do about that, except to try to lower your voice when speaking to him. It could also be that when she got mad at him, the soft spoken one could have been a yeller and a screamer. That's the part he won't ever tell you, but I bet it's true. I am a lot like you in that when I get excited about something, I tend to speak louder and faster. You probably can't change that about yourself any more than you can change your husband's measurement for loudness. You can attempt to speak more softly when he asks you to. Beyond that, I wouldn't expect much to change in this department.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:38 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Talk it over calmly. Meet some sort of compromise. You will both be happier if you do. If it really bothers him you can work hard to change and he can work hard to be more accepting. If everything else is good then this is a small thing that you can both work on.

    Answer by elizabr at 7:40 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Some people have problems with sensitivity to noise. Do you think that having a hearing test might help with the situation?

    Answer by Energ8zr at 7:57 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Energ8zr- i don't know....i actually never thought of that before. we could give it a shot. i just get so frustrated every time i say something or get excited about something he says i'm yelling. i'm tired of hearing that lol

    Comment by pmg1030 (original poster) at 8:02 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • My husbands family was the same and he is very loud. I just look at him and go SHHHH not so loud please and he tones it down. Maybe thats what your husband needs to do if you can't consistantly keep your voice down. It sounds like you understand why he is saying you are yelling at him so you know he isn't being mean. Talk it out and maybe agree to this method for when you are "extra excited"

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 8:05 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • SAME EXACT PROBLEM HERE!!!! I will ask him in a very soft voice and he doesn't hear me. Then I get a little louder, still no response. Next time a little louder and he says "YOU DON't have to YELL!!!! I heard you," I'm wondering if his hearing is going bad. But like MOST men, he won't go to the doctor to have it checked. Why is it that men are so averse to the doctor's office? We go once a year (and our visits are definitely more intrusive!) Just make sure he is looking at you when you talk to him. Looking at the speaker helps to understand him or her better. Turn down all ambient noise (TV or radio or stereo for instance).

    Answer by plclemo at 8:18 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • It’s like asking him to be like you. Would he do that? No of course not. You are who you are and he either has to accept the person you are and just deal with it. He didn’t have any trouble with you when you first met so why now. Perhaps there are other issues and this is just a nick picking issue. If you want to change do so but not because he wants to mode into a person you may not.

    Answer by musicmom08 at 8:26 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • thank you so much for the feed back! i'm glad to know i'm not alone ,and also i'm glad that some of you have brought up techniques and ideas that i didn't even think about and i'm grateful for both!! i'll give it a shot.

    musicmom08-you bring up a very good point! and i think i might point that out, calmly :p next time too!

    i like who i am but at the same time, i want to have peace too. this starts so many unnecessary arguments and it's ridiculous! it's like why are we even fighting?!? i wasn't trying to fight with you lol i also think that i might be more resistant to trying to control it because i don't want to be like his mom and i don't think i should have to be

    Comment by pmg1030 (original poster) at 8:56 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • My husband says this too. I tell him, I'm not yelling, I'm Italian, that's how we talk!!! Frankly, your husband needs to get over it. He married YOU, and he needs to quit picking at you.

    Answer by Anna92464 at 9:03 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

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