Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Discipline as a step-parent(No bashing please)

I have been married to my husband for almost 4 years now. he has a 4 1/2yo son that comes to see us every other weekend and sometimes more. I treat him like my own. At home he gets away with a lot of things, including peeing in his underwear, but he knows better than to do it with us and if he does(which is rare) he gets a butt spanking(usually whoever he is around when he does it) The other thing he gets spanked for is lying about peeing in his underwear. He lives at home with grandma, grandpa, mommy, and her boyfriend(who also spanks him too). Last night she calls and hubby was telling her about how he got spanked by me for peeing and lying about it and she was pissed. she said she was going to get me in trouble for touching her son like that. I dont think she will really follow through with it but would she have a case if she did??

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:47 AM on Jul. 5, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (11)
  • Well, you shouldn't spank a child for not properly controlling there bodily functions. It's inappropriate. He needs to be taught not to be ashamed of things like that. That's why he lies about it. And she probably wouldn't have a case, Spanking is a form of discipline and even though it's not effective CPS recognizes it as discipline and it's not abuse to them unless it's severe.

    Answer by acurran88 at 8:50 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • their*

    Answer by acurran88 at 8:53 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Could you get in trouble for that? You could certainly be investigated, but they probably wouldn't prosecute you or anything. I don't think you are handling the situation in an appropriate manner. A 4 1/2 year old child who is peeing in his pants is doing it for a reason. It could be health reasons, or it could be emotional. I'd get to the bottom of that if I were you....

    Answer by Anna92464 at 8:56 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Yeah she would have a case if she could prove it only because spanking kids is looked down upon now a days.. but I am a step parent myself..and I do happen to know that his mothers boyfriend spanks him..but for me personal I don't feel right spanking him..I don't even like for my husband to spank him..He is just not with us enough..but I would never spank my step son because I would not ever let any one spank my child..I don't even let my mother spank my daughter and she spanks the rest of my nieces and nephews..I am just really big on not hitting other peoples kids..I to see my step son as my own..I have been in his life since day one..the only thing I do is get after him with time out..I am not talking down on your or any one else..that is just how I feel..but unless she can prove that you hit him..and not only by he said she said then she would have no case..I hope that helped you..

    Answer by mom_angelface at 8:56 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • What the mother is doing is warning you. What she does doesn’t necessary mean you can to. She is the bio mother and she defending what’s hers. Have your husband talk to his ex about discipline issues with his son. In the mean time use other forms to discipline other than spanking him when the little guy is in your home.

    Answer by musicmom08 at 9:02 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • No, not unless their are bruises. My husbands ex tried the same thing but it was with my husband not me. The CPS told my husband that while they do not approve of spanking they will NOT get involved unless there are bruises. She would also have a very hard time trying to prove that you spanked him and since her boyfriend also spanks him, and she allows that to happen then what kind of case does she really have?

    Answer by colethky at 9:07 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I'm a stepmom, and I learned early on that I am not a parent - I don't discipline my stepkids, I leave that to my husband. (I'm not a spanker anyway). His ex is a little off-center, I didn't want to give her any reason to start trouble for me. Anyone can claim anything, I didn't want to give her the opportunity to cause trouble for us.

    Answer by Scuba at 9:35 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I would be pissed too!

    Answer by Iluvmy5 at 9:35 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • "I have been married to my husband for almost 4 years now. he has a 4 1/2yo son"

    This is what got my attention and could be the root of your problem. 

    As for the peeing in the underwear ... 
    1- accident, does know he's doing it ... take the time and work with him while there

    2- on purpose, out of meanness/spite ... could be acting out as a reaction to the divorce/visitation ,,,, he needs to work it out, maybe you could just sit down and talk with him ... maybe the three (four is she has partner) of you should sit down together and have a chat. 


    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 9:44 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • My heart breaks for that little Boy. I think it is just terrible how you are handling this. That poor little soul. He desrves better than the situation he was thrown into. Look at the BIG picture. His Parents are no longer together, he is SO confused. He is only 4 1/2!! He should NOT be spanked for wetting his pants. He is obviously in distress. YOU should NOT spank him nor anyone else, and YOU may get into trouble by doing so. Be very careful. The child needs comfort and love. He needs to feel secure in your home. He's practically still a baby. Put yourself in his position., How would YOU feel. He needs EXTRA care and attention being that his Mom & Dad are seperated. PLEASE be kind to him and he will listen to you & not rebel, that is the situation YOU are creating. If you have no love for the child then tell your husband not to have him over while you are there. Violence is Never right. Please be kind to him. :(

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 9:48 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.