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5 Bumps

To tell or not to tell?

we got together with friends this weekend and the wife/mom told me that she is serving her husband with divorce papers. She said he has no idea it's coming and she's doing it this way so ge won't hide any assets. He is the main earner, she works part time and stays home w the kids. She swore me to secrecy, but I don't know if I can do that. My husband and I are friends with both of them and actually have known the man many years longer. What to do? He certainly doesn't deserve to be blindsided like that......

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l-momoftwo

Asked by l-momoftwo at 8:53 AM on Jul. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • I would stay out of it.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:56 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • stay out of it
    starestrada

    Answer by starestrada at 8:58 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I'd stay out of it.
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 8:58 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • The question you should be asking yourself is Who is the better friend to you? Which one are you better friends with? Just because she swore you to secrecy doesn't mean that you have to keep her secret. I've always told my kids......."Keep a secret if it's not going to hurt anyone else but if it will than you must tell".

    Good luck :)
    colethky

    Answer by colethky at 8:58 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • surely to God he can see something isn't right with his marriage, if she's already at this stage. unless she's a total b****..if he's more of a friend, and you want to 'get' him after the divorce (as divorced people generally do end up picking friends..some may remain friends with the same people, but not usually for social interaction) rather than have her as a friend, tell him what's coming. he'll find out she told you anyway..i'd bet she tells him at some point, and it won't come across as nice/friendly to him.
    on the other hand, you could just stay out of it. but since she dragged you into it by telling you this much, i'd tell her i don't want to know anything else. what she's doing is trying to get you 'on her side'. its nasty for her to do it this way, and a bit immature, IMO.
    the more i think about it, i'd tell him...then tell both of them to keep you and your dh out of it until its final. protect your friendship!
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 8:59 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • If, as a friend, you promised to keep it quiet, then I'd keep it quiet...though it may not be easy to do. I do NOT envy your position at all! I would hate to be put into that position by a friend. Did you tell your husband? Because I would TOTALLY tell my hubby! (And then, if HE decided to tell his friend, that would be up to him...)
    charity987

    Answer by charity987 at 8:59 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • While my first instinct is to tell you to tell him, if she is worried about him hiding assets, than there's a lot more going on than you realize. At this point, I'd stay out of it and let them deal with it.
    rockinmomto2

    Answer by rockinmomto2 at 9:03 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Talk to you husband, pick a side (because there will be sides) and follow your loyalties.
    IrishMommaC

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 9:08 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • He'll be fine. I agree that you should stay out of it
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:10 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I would stay out of it, she shouldn't have told you. Its their marriage/divorce, outsiders have no business in it. There is nothing in it for you besides aggivation.
    Rnurse

    Answer by Rnurse at 9:11 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

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