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How do I help my daughter without putting her in danger?

I have a ten year old that spends the summers @ her fathers and stepmoms house.I get her on weekends and during the school year the visitation schedule reverses.This weekend my daughter said to me"----screams@ me all the time so loud it makes me cry.She also said that she tells her to shut up frequently.A few other examples of the way she treats my daughter are: my daughter wanted a white cake for her bday party and SM said no because she doesnt like the flavor.Also only allows my daughter to drink water only,always.I told her I would talk to her dad about this and she said"no dont,because SM will find out".That tells me that she is scared of SM.My daughter is well behaved and is the only child @ her dads house. SM has no bio children,I have felt very uneasy ever since she told me this.Even if I chose to call her dad the SM is always present and I dont want my child to be in danger when SM knows my daughter told.What do I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Jul. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • That is scary! Is there anyway that you can talk to your ex without the sm knowing? Is there any way that your daughter can talk to her father without fear of the sm? If it is too bad then I would go to court or a court counselor and tell them what your daughter said and tell them that she is scared of the sm and see what you can do to get this resolved. No child should be feeling like that!
    My3LittleGirls

    Answer by My3LittleGirls at 12:27 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Well it doesn't sound like she is in danger. But SM sounds like a bitch.


    I would definately address her father and maybe even the SM in person if you could do that civally

    sweet-a-kins

    Answer by sweet-a-kins at 12:28 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Is dad not there when this happens? SM can be very jealous of the s-children especially when there are no other kids in the house. My son's xwife ran off all his children over pure jealousy. She was a back stabbing person in general (not just bc she was a sm) so it was best to keep them away from her. I'd talk with dad and just see if he thinks all is well in the house. I wouldn't leave the child alone with sm myself but that's just me. My x would have thrown his wife out in the dirt if she talked to our children like that and that's if he got there before I did. Can you talk to the witch yourself and just see "how the visitations are going?" Just feel her out and see what she says. You have a right to check in on your daughter. Keep in mind they just had on tv where a stepmom killed her stepson so never think people are not capable of serious harm to children.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:30 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • so sad. it must feel kinda hopeless. is there anyway you could adjust the amount of time your daughter has to spend with her dad. If he's willing to allow mistreatment of his only child just to have this women in his life, maybe he would be willing to let you maintain full custody. It sounds like that would make sm happy.
    fallenruby

    Answer by fallenruby at 12:35 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • You have to realize you have no power in this situation. The best thing you can do is give your child the tools to deal with her situation. It's healthiest to drink water, all the time. I agree with step-mom. It is a good health habit for her to get into and something you should do with her at your house. Saying to your daughter, "hey I found out drinking water really is best for you, lets start doing that here too'" would make it easier and healthier for her.


    She can say to the sm or her father that she doesn't like to be yelled at or to be told to shut up. If that doesn't work then tell her some people yell and say shut up and that's the way they are. She has to go to dad's house and live with it. If you try talking to father or sm it could get worse instead of better.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 12:36 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Since she is 10 y/o you could talk to an attorney and see if you can have the visitation schedule changed on the grounds that your daughter is not comfortable there. You can also talk to the father and see what he thinks. Are you able to "watch" your daughter while her father is at work? Sorry, I don't have much advice.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 12:37 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I think you need to get Dad away from SM for like a little "family meeting" with your daughter. He needs to know what's going on, if he doesn't already, and needs to hear how she feels. I'm kind of curious as to how he doesn't know this is going on, unless SM only acts this way when Dad isn't around. I just hope he's not allowing her to talk to DD like that. I'd tell him that he needs to get his bitch in check and if she continues treating DD the way she does, you will take them back to court and try for supervised visitation only, or no visitation at all unless SM is not around.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 12:41 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I have a 10 yr old son that has visitations with his dad and he is remarried. If my son were to come to me and say something like that..I would be MAD. I would tell my son that he doesnt need to be afraid of that woman,I AM HIS MOTHER, I WILL PROTECT HIM.PERIOD. I would call up mr.dad and have a long talk with him. I would tell him exactly what our son said. I would tell my son that if she did ANYTHING to him for telling that he is to tell me right away, not to ever be afraid. If things didn't change after that...and dad didn't try to help our child out. I would be contacting a lawyer and my child would not be going over there until I had the reassuance that he is in an environment where he felt safe and loved. Just because the woman is married to the childs father does not give her a right to control,manipulate, be mean to a child that I gave birth to. Good Luck. I hope the situation gets better.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:55 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • i had a step mom growing up. she was horribly abusive and mean to me. i hate her, still do. my dad got a divorce but still. what she did stilleffects me. please help your daughter. she needs you to protect her. do whatever you have to do to make it better for her. good luck, i wish someone would have done that for me.

    @GAILLL, that is stupid advice. sorry. you have never been treated that way obviously.... or maybe you are the step mom that treats your step kids like shit?
    Preggydyke

    Answer by Preggydyke at 1:05 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I think that the four of you need to be in family counseling. This is a sad situation...
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 2:19 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

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