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Mother /daughter relationship,Why does my mom do this?

I have a very weird relationship w/my mom. She gets catty sometimes and trys to pi** me off on purpose. I did not realize it untill recently when I reacted to something she said and she actually said,Wow,I feel alot better now! I talked to my thearpist about and she told me that I am being maniuplated. I just can't figure out why my own mom would want to hurt me this way. She tried it today and I did not react. WHY?

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momthruivf

Asked by momthruivf at 2:27 PM on Jul. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,284 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I have the same type of issue, I don't know why - but I know it sucks. I force myself not to respond now, and she seems to be doing it less and less. Sorry.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 2:29 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • She wants to establish control, so to do this she does what she can to get a reaction from you. I don't understand why she would do this. If you are living with her it could be the alpha female thing- she wants to be alpha- top dog- in her own household. Or maybe she feels a failure in other aspects of her life and this is a way to dominate someone else and feel important.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:31 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Not all parents are healthy ppl. Your mom has issues of her own that have NOTHING to do w/ you. She's trying to control you in a way. Stop reacting to her @ all, learn to bite your tounge around her & don't rise to the bait. After a while she'll get tired of not getting the reaction she wants from you. My MIL does stuff like this, I limit the amount of time I talk to her on the phone & the amount of time she sees my dd, I frankly won't put up w/ her bullshit! GL, keep talking to your therapist about it, they'll be able to help you work thru all the stuff you bite your tounge on.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 2:33 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • oh my goodness...that stinks! well, my first husband was the same way. It has something to do with them being in control and feeling powerful. If they can manipulate your emotions...then theyve got the power. Its actually very sad; that someone who is suposed to love you so much, is intentionally creating pain for you. Speak up!! Let her know that you are aware of what is going on, but that she cannot have that kind of control in your life. You will no longer be allowing her to get the best of you. Its amazing how flustered someone will get when they are confronted about their behavior. Dont be meek to the point of exasperation. Stand up for yourself and take back control of this unkind manipulation. Be honest - you are hurting me and this is unacceptable. Perhaps your mom doesnt even realize that she does this to you anymore - its a habit of personality and she may be unaware.?.?
    Mrs.Barela

    Answer by Mrs.Barela at 2:34 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I am so sorry your relationship with your mom is this way, I don't understand it either, but even parents have flaws, this is where that unconditional love is suppose to kick in.
    older

    Answer by older at 2:36 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Mother/daughter relationships are harder than any other, I think. My mom did things that I did not understand at all until after she had died, and my aunt who had known her when she was growing up told me some things about my mom's relationship with her mother. I think we tend to react to people and situations more out of automatic response than we do by actually thinking through how we should respond. By the time we get it all figured out, it seems like it's usually too late. I am encouraged that you see this now. Maybe you will also be able to figure out how to break the cycle and not pass it on to your daughters, should you have any.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:41 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I agree with other posters...it's a control issue with your mom. She may have had some issues with her own mother and is passing those unresolved issues toward you. I have had this happened to me. I just couldn't understand why she felt the need to control me with her abusive behavior. Can you talk to her? Your mom may still see you as the child she raised and did have control over and no longer has control because you are all grown up. I often wonder if my own mother tries to control my brother. She would say things and do things...it would cause a lot of friction. I finally just had to stay away and I'm always on guard. My grandmother was a very mean spirited person. This might have some thing to do with our now relationship. When she's not in those MOODS, we get along. I promised myself I wouldn't make her mistakes. Just like another poster, hope you see that too...Good luck.
    Safirejewl

    Answer by Safirejewl at 2:48 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Warp sense of mind.

    Sorry she is this way with you.
    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 2:55 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • there's no telling why people do the things they do. i have a friend whose mother said crappy things to her and whose best friend (the mother's) later told her that the mom said she never liked her daughter. this is obviously not my friend's fault - she was a little kid when this stuff started. the good news is you can recognize it and recognize that it is her, not you. you can't fix her or change her, but you can insist on being treated properly.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 4:00 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • My mom is that way and she trys to control people by saying wow your aunt or my friend said you were fat or why does she eat so much I would go confront the person and afterwards she would admit she made it up. So now I have nothing to do with her because she still does it for sport. I would let her know you know and move on it does not stop. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:21 AM on Jul. 6, 2010

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