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4 Bumps

Letting go of negative family members

My family is dysfuctional and I want to cut off several people, especially my mom. She was unfit, didn't care about her 7 kids, and put men above us. I grew up dirty, uneducated, and poor. Every time I see her, which is not often, she always has something to compain about and the negative energy brings me down. I am want to better myself so my child can look up to me and I have a positive role model and I just feel that it's best to get rid of negative people in my life. The only reason she's now interested in her kids is because my stepdad passed away and she's all alone. I don't have an emotional connection with her and when she hugs me, I don't feel anything towards her. I just don't want to be around negative people anymore.


Asked by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Jul. 5, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I think that anyone who has gotten to this point has most likely already given second chances, and more and more chances. Nobody gets to this point overnight or just over one thing. There are some people in the world that we're really better off without. As for my children knowing their grandmother, I wouldn't want her around my children. Period. My children have to come first, before someone else's hurt feelings. Not having my mother in their life is what is best for them and for all of us.

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 3:38 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Good for you. I know it's hard, and you will get some bashing - but life is too short to have negative, toxic people in your life(regardless of who they are.) You need to do what's best for you and your family!

    Answer by Scuba at 2:53 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Wow, I can relate to everything you just said, I have cleaned house so to speak as well and have cut off so many people friends and family that did nothing for me but bring me down. Toxic people are no good and your better off by your self or surrounded by a few really great people who love and care for you.

    Answer by geminisummerz at 2:54 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I understand what you're going through. I cut my mother out of my life about 4 years ago and it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I'm so much healthier without her in my life.

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 2:54 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I'm not sure what your question is. But I will say, I know how you feel. Whats best for you and your kids is always the right decision. I hear people say family is suppose to love each other no matter what. That much is fine but it doesn't mean you have to stay in their life if they are bad for your family. I know this much from my own experience. Anyways, good luck. No it doesn't make you a bad person if thats what your wondering, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

    Answer by LucasMama08 at 2:56 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • You have really negative feelings about your mother vs her being a negative person right now. Sometimes when a woman has a baby she can have issues like this and counseling may help. That was then and this is now. Being dirty and poor isn't that bad. You don't sound uneducated. You do not have to better yourself for your child to look up to you. What children need is lots of times with mom, unconditional love, and a mom with good parenting skills.

    It's normal not to have an emotional connection with the feelings you have. If you thow away your mother now, you are throwing away your child's grandmother. She may be an ok or even good grandmother. If you worked through your issues you may be able to have a mother for decades.


    Answer by Gailll at 2:59 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Forgive me, but, are you asking to let your mother go? Only you can answer that and I think you have....good luck.

    Answer by Safirejewl at 2:54 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • wow sounds like my family my mom had 7 kids and stshe tried her hardest as a single mother we grew up very poor. some of her kids talk crap about her but expect her to jump when they need her. i don't think that your mom is around just because your stepdad passed away consider she may of realized how short life is and is trying harder to be apart of your life sit down with her and explain how you feel but it sounds to me you need a little soul searching yourself if you can talk about your mother like that your kid can grow up and say the same about you and your mistakes how would that make you feel? shes human not a robot mother everyone makes mistakes!!!!

    Answer by jennette0704 at 2:58 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I just responded to your other question. You don't owe this bitch anything just because she was lucky enough to give birth to you. Don't let your feeling sorry for her influence you. Your kids don't need to be around her. You don't need to be around her. Tell her to fuck off and die and feel free to explain why you feel that way. She doesn't deserve sympathy. Even if she is mentally ill, you're not responsible for fixing her and that's just really bad for you and your kids.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 3:57 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Sorry can't understand this, 7 kids is a lot to handle have you ever thought of this? parents are not perfect, I am sure you are not one either, but everyone deserves a second chance, specially your kids to have a grandma. Do some soul searching and think about this long and hard, mother good or bad, there is only one and unfortunately they are not perfect, even the good ones have flaws. But sometimes you need to do what you think is right.

    Answer by older at 3:06 PM on Jul. 5, 2010