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Letting go of negative people

I have the right to post a comment without being bashed for it , and yes having 7 kids is a lot, however, when you have 2 girls and don't buy neither one training bras when they need it,what is the excuse for that? When you allow your 15 year old daughter (my sister) to sleep in the bed with your husband and you leave the room and sleep on the couch, is that the best thing to do? When you don't sign your youngest daughter up for school and she misses years of school, is that being the best mom? I don't think so. I'm not claiming to be the perfect parent because we all make mistakes and I realize that I have to let go of the past, but I don't need to keep her in my life if she continues to be negative. I can honestly say that I show my daughter love everyday and she knows that I love her, I didn't get that from my mom. And yes I am doing some soul-searching so I can let go of the past.


Asked by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Jul. 5, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • When people get just a slice of the story, they tend to make assumptions. There is always more to it, and you shouldn't have to go into all the details because it's your life and your choice. Any of us who have had to deal with toxic family members didn't just decide to cut them out of our lives overnight, or because of one thing. Lots of us have given second and third and nineteenth chances, only to get burned again. Do what is best for you and your family.

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 3:29 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I'm a little confused by the ? but I think what you are saying is you want to cut your mom out bc of these things. I say GO FOR IT!!!! You shouldn't have to continue to deal w/ toxic ppl in your life. We all get to a point where we have to decide which is more important, our sanity or our relationships. Do what is best for your family, especially if she's allowing inappropriate sexual behaviors go on (the couch thing). Keep your head high, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone! No one will ever know your circumstances or reasons. The only ones who needs to be on board are those you plan to continue talking to.

    Answer by Nyx7 at 3:37 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • if i'm understanding your post correctly, you certainly need to cut your mother out of your life. she sounds like a real piece of shit. i am reminded of a family i knew a long time ago... the mother was dating a guy, got tired of him and passed on her 13 year old at the time to him, married another guy and then got tired of him so started sleeping with his best friend and passed on her 11 year old to her husband. Etc. All this took place in HER mother's house. Basically this family is toxic. Someone should have done the children a favor and called CPS. Sounds like in your family there is at best neglect. It is only the dysfunction that allows you to even question yourself. Get far away from them and get yourself some help and a normal life so your children don't inherit that toxicity. Don't look back.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 3:52 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I think I am confused. Your mom had 7 kids, you were the youngest, and she did all those things to you and you are trying to let go. Am I correct? I'll need to make sure I am correct before I respond.

    Answer by Spazz0828 at 3:25 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Sweetie, there are always going to be people that don't understand how you can "abandon your mother" because they didn't have the same growing up experience as you, KWIM? Some mothers suck, and we shouldn't have to ensure their abuse, or subject our children to them, just because they gave birth to us. I'm sorry you got bashed.

    Answer by Scuba at 3:25 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Sounds like you have what i call toxic people, Once I label someone toxic they are out of my life, I learned long ago that you can not have a healthy life with toxic people in it.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 3:26 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Good for you. Stay strong and you do what ever you need to for yourself and so that you can be a better mommy to your daughter then your birth mom was to you.

    Answer by geminisummerz at 3:26 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • honey, don't feel bad about making a decision like this! Don't let others make you feel bad!
    I have a very dysfunctional family too (and dysfunctional inlaws) best thing I ever did was move 12 hours away from all of their BS! I don't talk to a lot of them at all, and very limited communication with a few. There's nothing wrong with it if it's what is best for you and your family!

    Answer by DarkFaery131 at 3:27 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • From my experience negative people tend to make matters worse. So in addition to the problems at hand, they just add to it all and complicate things more. I always go with my good judgment most of the time, and that has a way of steering me in the right direction regardless of it all.

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 3:32 PM on Jul. 5, 2010