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2 Bumps

I just woke up today and realized that I've let a good 4 years of my life go to waste. What do I do now?

I was with this guy for 4 1/2 years and we had some good times don't get me wrong but it ended in disaster. I almost lost my family (parents, grandparents, sisters, brothers) over this guy and he really messed me up. After months without him I finally started to feel somewhat normal again and now that he's been around again, seeing our daughter some feelings have been stirred back up to the surface and I've been all kinds of messed up and confused. Today I woke up and decided that I don't need him, don't want him and he's no good for me but I've also realized that these past 4 years i've let a man get in the way of me enjoying some of the most important things in my life...including the birth of my daughter and her first year of life. I don't know what to do with myself now. How do I get my life back? I mean obviously those years are gone...but what now?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:36 PM on Jul. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • You already took the first step. You told yourself you are done and ready to move on. Now you can start rebuilding your relationship with your family and enjoying your daughter. You sound like you are a strong person, you'll do just fine :)
    rhianna1708

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 3:39 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Cut him out completely (aside from seeing his DD of course), and repair those relationships. Anytime you think you may have feelings for him again, remind yourself of everything you let him take away.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 3:40 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Everything is a learning experience so even though those years were bad ones you did learn some things about yourself and others that will make you wiser and stronger now. Learn from that time and decide what you want to do with your life. Can you consider going to school? Get some technical training for a better job (if you need it......I don't know what you do now) Enjoy your child now and just look for the positive every day and move on. Be good to yourself. Best wishes.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 3:42 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • It doesn't do any good to think of it as wasting your life. What's done is done. It's not all that rare to not remember that much about your baby's birth and first year. Moms are usually sleep deprived. There are many things that may make it hard to remember. If the baby is fussy it's common to not remember much. I was very sick when my youngest was born and he and I were both sick a lot the first year. I mostly remember hospital stays.


    If you have a child together he may always be a part of your life. It sounds like you are ready to move on.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 3:44 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • No one thing can be pushed into one box. Like you just go walk and sight see, or just sit someplace calm and beautiful, take pictures, and love them because you were there. Then show your child. Take her/him to places together and go do those special memory things. You know she'll love it. I love when I can do things with no time limit on them . And then go home seeing my day and life as so much more alive.
    coffeeyum

    Answer by coffeeyum at 3:46 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • you just keep moving forward. four years is alot, but in the grand scheme of things, a drop in the bucket. i've wasted time on bad relationships, and i also missed a part of my daughter's life thanks to a man who nearly killed her. life goes on. the best you can do is learn from that experience. but don't let the nostalgia take you down again - of course there were good times too, and that's the hard part about relationships that are not right for you. you have to learn what you can live with and what you can't. it's okay that you made mistakes - that's part of life. look ahead and figure out how you want things to look in the future and use the time you have every day to make that happen.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 3:48 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Take one day at a time. Keep him at arms length. Enjoy your child. I would appologize to my family, for not accept their advice, dont tell them that they were right because you wouldnt trade your child but that you didnt accept the advice. You have the positive to keep the negative(him) away. Good luck, if you need the uplift, friend me. Been there done that just learn.
    browningmom

    Answer by browningmom at 3:49 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • congrats on getting the pixie dust outta your eyes! the only thing you can do is continue to live and move forward. do what you have to do to take yourself to the next level and apologize to your family members. go to school, love your child and love yourself
    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 10:52 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Keep moving forward. All you really can do. Don't worry much about not remembering things. Hell, I can't remember what I had for breakfast! And all I remember about year one of my son's life is that we were always diapering or nursing...it blurs together!

    You can't change what WAS. So concentrate on what WILL BE instead.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:56 AM on Jul. 6, 2010

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