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How did you learn to forgive?

Do you have someone in your life that you just can't forgive? I have some people in my life that keep doin the same thing over and over and I know I need to forgive them but I can't. I haven't talked to them in moths but they are in my mind all the time. I tell my dh or anyone that asks that I'm okay and don't care but its not true. It hurts so bad sometimes. How did you learn to forive and forget? I need to get on with my life. For me my dh and our baby.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on Jul. 5, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • the whole point of forgiveness is to release YOURSELF from the drama and pain... ask yourself what is the payoff for you to continue to obsess about this stuff, especially after you have cut these people out of your life? there must be some reason you can't let the situation go even though you have let the person go. when you realize that forgiveness does not mean forgetting, does not mean allowing, does not mean not learning from mistakes, but that it allows you to accept that what happened happened and you can't change it but you need to move on, then it is easier. it sounds like you are confusing forgiveness with accepting the unacceptable. forgiveness requires accepting that you can't change the situation or person, not that what happened was okay...
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:39 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I began to forgive when I realised that forgiveness is a choice and that it is not tied to forgetting the transgression. That it is cosmic, in the sense that it effects ones own future. Not forgiving can also be a choice, but it hurts our soul in the long run, engendering bitterness, rage and sorrow.

    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 7:10 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • When someone dear to you hurts you over and over in the same way it is very difficult to forgive...I think it takes a lot of time and shed tears to deal with it. For me taking time out from them, talking it through to my boyfriend over and over, rationalising and analysing those people and respecting the fact that they were once little babies and that their behaviour is how they have learnt to deal with the world...have all been things that have helped me forgive. I think forgiveness isn't something you can do overnight and does take time. People say its a choice and it is - but if someone repeatedly hurts you and you do not understand why it is a tough choice to make and you might convince yourself you have forgiven them when really you haven't.

    Give it time...don't shy away from thinking about those people...you have to feel the pain, feel the emotions in order to let them go and forgive.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 7:19 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean that you need to keep the toxic relationship with them. If they are repeatedly doing something that is causing problems you have the right to cut ties with that person. You can forgive them, feel sorry for them, and move on with your life.

    Forgiving them in no way means that they are entitled to a spot in you life.
    PhoenixFire

    Answer by PhoenixFire at 7:20 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • To be honest I noticed that while I was cursing and complaining and going off the other party was going on with their life. I was putting all of my energy into someone who could care less. I noticed that when I took a step back and really thought about situations first I wasn't as mad as I really thought I was. I also noticed that it seems to piss the other person off that I had no time or interest in the issue at all. I forgive because it released the stress and puts it completely in God hands.
    skycarter

    Answer by skycarter at 7:21 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • First you have to set boundaries so they can't hurt you again. If feasiable talk to the person and tell them how you feel. I like to think of this as passing the puck back to them. You have told them how you feel and now they can do what they want with that info. If they still insist on hurting you put a stop to it by not allowing them to do this to you anymore. To forgive takes time. It is letting go of the pain someone has caused you and moving forward. But you can't forgive and heal until you have stopping allowing them to hurt you.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 9:16 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • honestly, i forgave because i refuse to lose sleep over things ppl have done to me, i forgave because i refuse to be stuck in the past and depressed while they are moving on happily, i forgave because they are not worthy of taking my happiness
    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 10:37 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

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