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How do I get him off my back?

I have an autistic son. I also have a jerk of an ex husband. The custody agreement says he gets him every other weekend from Friday to Sunday, we split Christmas and we alternate other holidays. He also gets two non consecutive weeks over the summer. I have always given him extra time when he asks and it fits into out schedule.

One year, I didn't have child care over Christmas break and would have had to use all my vacation. I asked if he would help. The following year when that was an issue, he wanted the same thing. When I said no, he threatened to take me to court. To avoid a fight I did it.
Last year, he wanted another week over the summer, he said if I said no, he'll take me to court. I offered him extra long weekends 2 times over the summer and he agreed.
In addition those 'two consecutive weeks" usually turn into 10 days as they go away.
Now he wants to keep him until Monday morning and take him

 
layh41407

Asked by layh41407 at 7:29 PM on Jul. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 36 (79,415 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • What is he so upset about to be on your back all the time first of all. Second of all, you have papers that lay out very clear guidelines. If you do not want to give him extra time, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO and no court will MAKE you. They will only make you give what is outlined in your papers. I'd be very careful about giving him extra time anyway, only due to you being on bad terms. He could turn that around on you(have seen it done) and say HE always has him, you know, make it look as though you are not able to care for him like you are supposed to. And also, if you start letting him do something such as extra ten days in the summer enough and he wanted to take you to court, some courts will go ahead and make that extra ten days part of the norm..citing "you've been doing it all this time". That is what my ex husband did to his first wife. She would let him get their daughter for extra time during the week, became perm.
    SassyStinger

    Answer by SassyStinger at 8:33 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • He wants more time with his son, whata's on your back about that?


    Why can't he take him to school one day?


    I know you want to do it, but please remember he is just as much your ex-hubby's son as he is yours.

    sweet-a-kins

    Answer by sweet-a-kins at 8:21 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I know how it is to have an autistic child. Routine is #1! I say let him take you to court.
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:17 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • him to school Monday morning

    I think this is a bad idea. My ex has is inconsistant with our son and I think having him start the school day with me is better as I offer more consistancy. There are also a lot of transistion issues when he returns from his Dad's and I do not want those issues to occur when I pick him up from child care.

    I am also frustrated that no matter how much time I give this man, he seems to want more.

    What do I do?
    layh41407

    Comment by layh41407 (original poster) at 7:31 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • My son is 11 and at time my ex treats him like a baby, or he expects him to do to much.
    layh41407

    Comment by layh41407 (original poster) at 7:32 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • You two just need to come to an agreement.
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 7:33 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • maybe go back to court and have custody revised. then follow that. most women complain their ex does not want anything to do with their kid. you are on of the lucky ones who has an ex who wants as much time as possible with their child. you should be grateful.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 7:36 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I would put my foot down and tell him no. So what if he takes you to court. It would be a great time for you to mention to the judge that your child is autistic and needs to stay on a schedule. You may even want to be the one to initiate it so it looks better on your part.
    vnw1405

    Answer by vnw1405 at 7:39 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • jennifer588 - That is understandable but her son is autistic. Children with autism need to have a strict schedule. I'm sure her concern is for her son's well being.
    vnw1405

    Answer by vnw1405 at 7:41 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • If he would be understanding of the disorder--fine, but he consistantly refuses to follow a schedule, he does not understand how when he changes the schedule our son goes hay wire (he always blames something else) and he goes between treating him like a toddler or expecting way too much of him, which causes meltdowns. I already give him extra time and I'm not one of those mother's that max the dad out on child support. I took signicantly less that what I was told I was entitled to.
    I give him a lot of extra time, because I know he loves his son and his son loves him, but when I try to make a decision based on his needs and I hear "I'll take you to court" it's frustrating, especially when I've already given him so much extra time.
    layh41407

    Comment by layh41407 (original poster) at 7:58 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

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