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Why is there still pain?

My grandma passed away in 97, I was very very close to her. I have been really depressed lately and I spent today kind of trying to evaluate why Ive been so upset. Every time I do this, it comes back to my grandma. I always wonder if she is proud of me, if theres any advice she would give me, if she is around. Its been so long and it still feels like yesturday, I am in full tears right now because I miss so much and wish I could hear from her.
I dont understand how it hurts after so long... how its so painful.
What is the best way to deal when you were so close to someone and they are no longer here. When you have so many questions you just dont have the answers to?
Please I really need some suggestions because I just cant seem to find the ability to live without the pain of her being gone.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on Jul. 5, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (13)
  • Did she die a sudden death?
    Do you worry she didnt make it to heaven?

    I think she is trying to send you a message and you're having trouble figuring out what it is. Pay attention to details in dreams etc. For example (I don't believe in the voodooish version of this) in dreams the arm represents God and pregnancy represents ministry. Those are the only 2 I know.

    Answer by ABusyBee at 9:55 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • No one can truly answer this for you, hun. This is a time when you need to really look within, take a close look at your faith, and the answers will come:)

    Answer by campeno at 9:56 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Did you feel rushed to say goodbye after she passed or made to feel bad for being so upset? I've found if we're allowed to grieve at our own pace,the hurt lifts easier. I still mourn the passing of my daughter 10 years later,so I know how you feel to an extent.

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:00 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • It still hurts because you and I were made for a better world, a world without pain. So sorry for your loss. I don't have a perfect answer for how to make it feel better. I know there are books out there about grieving, or you could try to find a grief support group in your area. Having a good supportive group of people in your life is great. Keep praying and looking forward to the hope you have of seeing her again!

    Answer by Adelicious at 10:16 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • i don't know how you're going to take this suggestion or if it sounds nuts to you, but my suggestion is try going on a meditative journey to speak to your grandmother. just sit quietly and choose a place to "meet" her. imagine yourself traveling there and wait for her to show up. meanwhile, talk to any other person or creature that enters the scene about these things. i only suggest this because i used to meditate regularly years ago, but i can't do the "clear the mind" stuff. i would have to go to a peaceful place. one time my grandfather (whose death i struggled with for YEARS) showed up unexpectedly and said alot of things to me that brought me peace: he told me it was ok I didn't see him before he died since we were both in a bad place in our lives and shouldn't remember each other that way, gave me advice about work (which was my original meditation), and told me things about his life I didn't know (& verified with gma).

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:46 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I am so sorry. You didn't say how long it's been, but I believe I understand. When my mom's mother died, I was teary for six months. I couldn't look at her picture without crying. I have no doubt that she is waiting for me in heaven, but I miss her so much! Do you have a small item that belonged to her that you can keep close to you? Maybe you shouldn't carry it with you because you could lose it, but something you would see often and be reminded of her. It is normal to feel this pain. I'm not sure it ever really stops hurting, but you learn how to deal with it.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:15 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • It sounds to me like you are still dealing with the grieving process- it's possible to have 'delayed grieving' where the emotional effects of a loss come up years after the fact. Maybe you could try to get some closure, as much as you can... I had a hard time mourning my own grandmother's death because I was a child when she died... I can remember as an adult I finally wrote her a letter saying everything I wished that I could say to her, and then I went outside and burned the letter, symbolically 'releasing' it into the universe, or up to heaven, or whatever your belief may be. I've also done other things to honour and remember people who I 've lost... like naming my children after my grandma and grandpa, and telling the kids about them and keeping them 'current' in our family in that sense. ((HUGS)) and hope you find some closure and the pain eases. It's so hard to lose a loved one.

    Answer by Freela at 11:16 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • <>

    My answer sounds a little like Freela's, so pardon the repetition...

    Healing takes time, and there is no time limit on when it's supposed to be completed. Maybe you haven't found closure with her passing, and if so, I hope you will one day soon.

    Try writing her letters. Ask her your questions, send her your love, and tell her everything that is going on in your life that you know she'd want to hear. It's up to you what you do with the letters. Burn them and scatter the ashes to the wind, put them in a safe place with your momentos of her, share them to another family member, or whatever feels right to you.

    Even if you don't believe she would ever get the message or send you any answers, you'll know in your heart you reached out as far as you could to her.

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 12:17 AM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • I dont understand how it hurts after so long... how its so painful

    Becaue you still love her, and you miss her. It is never easy to lose a loved one, especially one you are so close too. From here I echo the words of others on this forum. You need to find the opportunity to allow yourself to grieve and try to find closure in whatever way you feel comfortable. As close as you were to her, I have no doubt in my mind that she knew you loved her and she loved you too.

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 12:24 AM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • She lived to be 97. That is fantastic. My uncle died at 32 from obesity related health problems. My best friends aunt died in an accident at like 27. Things happen when people put themselves at risk. Your grandmother lived a long full life. She lived almost 100 years!!!

    Chances are she was ready to go and is in a better place. Any reasons you have for being sad are about you being without her, not actual sorrow for her. She was old enough that continuing on could have brought great suffering. The Lord has a plan and it was her time. He knows why.

    Answer by amber710 at 12:43 AM on Jul. 6, 2010

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