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4 Bumps

Would you stay in this relationship?

My husband is a disabled veteran with severe PTSD and TBI. He has become unbearable to live with my children and I. He has serious bouts of hostility, talks so nasty to myself and my children, and has become extrememly paranoid with dooms day type feelings. He's been receiving mental health treatment and they are now talking about him needing inpatient treatment which he is refusi, and I've been supporting him and trying to help him get better for himself and for our family for a very LONG time. I don't want to give up, but I don't know if I can take anymore. We're not intimate anymore and my kids are obviously being affected by this behavior. I feel bad for the things my husband has had to see and deal with at war, and I love him and I am so proud of his service he has given to our country, but I don't know how much longer I can keep trying to stay together. How much longer would you try to hold onto a relationship like ths

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SuzL1026

Asked by SuzL1026 at 10:53 PM on Jul. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (57 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Honestly, it sounds like you have done a lot and you are at the end of your rope. If I were in your position I would most likely just lay it out and say "I love you and I want to support you, but our children come first. If you do not go for treatment and do everything you can to get better then I will have to take the kids and leave". You have to be able to be a strong and healthy mother for your kids, since their dad cannot be, and you cannot do that if you are dealing with such extreme stress and hostility. Best of luck to you.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 10:56 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • if he is refusing treatment to help himself i would leave
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 10:56 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • i would ask him to leave, so he can get better without having to worry about you and the children. then if and when he's ready to take care of you and the kids again i would slowly allow him into your life. i think you love him and this trouble that is plaguing you both is pushing you both apart. let him get better and then work on each other and then the relationship. be strong.
    angevil53

    Answer by angevil53 at 10:56 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • He sounds like he could become dangerous...
    I would have a hard time leaving my husband while he is going through so much but I would also have to worry about my children. Make it clear to him that the only way you'll stay is if he accepts in-patient treatment.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 10:57 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • When I read this I thought of Christopher Reeves wife and how she cared for him all those years. It sounds like you love him very much and you are a strong person. God only puts on a person what they can handle. And you've cared for him thus far. He's a wonderful man to have done such a great thing for our country. Without people like him, where would we be as a country? Take one day at a time. You will have bad days, and you will have some good ones. Hold on to those good days when things aren't so great. If he needs inpatient treatment why is he refusing the treatment.
    lawmom27

    Answer by lawmom27 at 10:58 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • Wow. Tough sitatuion. I'm sorry you are going through this. On the one hand, I can see that you are obviously between a rock and hard place and just have nothing left to give. I understand how you want to protect your children and give them happy, fufilling lives and memories. But on the otherhand, I feel for your husband. I can't even imagine the things he's seen and been through. And I'm sure the last thing he needs is his family leaving. BUT...he needs to understand that the only way he is ever going to get better is with intensive treatment and help. Maybe an ultimatum will give him the push he needs to enter treatment. I would just tell him that you love him very much and want things to be normal again, but you've tried your best and its just not been enough and now HE needs to take the step to get better so you all can go back to living your lives. If he still refuses, then leaving him may be the right answer. HUGS.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:02 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • If he is refusing treatment and u have been putting up with his behavior for some time now, I would leave. He could become violent and hurt u or your children.
    LuvMySavage

    Answer by LuvMySavage at 11:02 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • I agree with KTMom.....he needs treatment and maybe your ultimatum will finally push him into accepting the help he needs.
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 11:03 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • His refusing the impatient treatment is part of his paranoia. He is afraid of being abused by the people at these facilities. He has agreed to a more agressive outpatient weekly therapy treatment, but ultimately he will go to inpatient treatment. We has been staying with his mother for over amonth now to give us all space and so that he can work on getting himself together, but things just aren't progressing, I've been thinking about divorce and it makes me feel like a traitor.
    SuzL1026

    Comment by SuzL1026 (original poster) at 11:03 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

  • If it was just me in the house with him, then I would try and stick it out. He did a great service for his country and I would want to give back to him as much as I could.


    BUT there are kids in the house and they are being verbally abused. That is not okay for any reason.


    I was a kid in a house like that and I have to say it sucked. Never knowing what was going to set my dad off was hard on my siblings and I.


    I agree with KTMOM. Lay it all out there. "You have the oppurtunity to get help, if you choose not to I will no longer be a party to your misery."


    You can't help those that don't help themselves.

    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 11:04 PM on Jul. 5, 2010

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