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If your DD has a bf, what do you think of this situation??

My dd, 16, wants to go hang out at her bf's (of 4 months) house and I want to make sure that the same boundaries we follow here, are followed there. We don't allow the teens to be in bedrooms, and they must stay in the common rooms of the house or in the yard. Other than that, we're comfortable with her going there if we know that a parent is there AND keeping an eye on them...AND we do prefer a group outings to one on one visits....I don't want to sound too paranoid, and I trust my daughter, but of course, I don't know the parents very well, or even the bf, although he's been over a few times now. It takes me a LONG time to trust people, especially when it comes to who's with my daughter. Perhaps because the last fellow was controlling, creepy, and not very nice. My DH says they should come over here, because at least we have a pool and that's something to keep 'em busy! He's more paranoid than I am, lol.

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Asked by dflygirl7 at 9:59 AM on Jul. 6, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 12 (751 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I think you are doing the right thing. Actually I tend to agree with your husband. No one can watch my daughter as well as I can! LOL I know it sounds better but I want my daughters pure when they get married and when I can't see/know what is going on, you n ever know what can happen. Your rules are great, but just for us, our three daughters won't go over to a boy's house that I don't know the parents and know that the parents agree with our rules too.

    Answer by My3LittleGirls at 10:03 AM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • Maybe plan a get together for both families like a pool party/BBQ. Invite the BF and the parents over and ask your questions while the kids are out of ear shot. I bet they are just as worried about the rules at your house as you are the rules at theirs. After you meet them than you can decide what you want to do.

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 10:05 AM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • Call the other mom and make sure you are on the same page. You are doing the right things. Can not be too safe.

    Answer by elizabr at 10:07 AM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • Unfortunately a lot of the other moms will "say" one thing and do another, so I would really ask the bf to visit at your house. This from my experience as a teen (years ago) when I'd spend the night at a girlfriend's but really be at my boyfriend's and so on.

    Answer by txdaniella at 10:17 AM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • I went through the same thing last summer. I did know the parents enough to say this is what is allow at my house and I would like it my boundaries and limits are followed here. I too trust my dd and the bf, but they are 17 and some times you can get caught up in the moment. We talked about everything and when I couldn't think of anything else to say, I said it again!! But I made my point. Let your dd know that it won't be worth not following the rules. She has to know what will happen if she doesn't. Give her a chance to saw you that they can be trusted. You'll never know until you try.

    Answer by wallmom1 at 10:51 AM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • We always had our sons hang out at our house because we have the same rules that you do and too many parents around here don't. Even if a parent claims to be on the same page, most of the times they aren't. My 18yo's ex-gf's mom went so far as to buy them condoms even though she knew where we stood on the subject. He brought them to us because he wasn't ready for sex (he was 15) and he wanted us to know that her mom wasn't on the same page even though she claimed to be.

    Answer by tracylynnr67 at 12:13 AM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • You can talk to the parents, but honestly I don't trust any parents. So many parents act like they are on the same page as you when really they are not.

    Answer by staceynoel at 11:21 AM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • I dont think parents of boys protect their teens as much as parents of girls. Even though they dont want to be a grand parent, it just seems like the parents of teen boys are alot more lienient. 'Ive seen teen boys not have a curfew when teen girls need to be home at midnight. That saying, I would have them come over to my house as much as possible and make it comfortable for the boy to want to come over. I would also talk to the boys parents.

    Answer by Esmrlda at 5:57 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

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