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2 Bumps

Was it the drink or could this still be bothering him after 6 years

Over the weekend my husband got really drunk. He got really upset and brought up the past when the last 4th of July (about 6 or more years ago) I left him for 4 months and was with someone else. We were not married we did not have a family, we were dating and it was not going well at all. I broke it off with him and was going to just be friends with the other guy when my cousin passed away in a car crash. I was so messed up and I needed a shoulder that I just stayed with the guy, and I didn't really want him. My husband(then boyfriend) came to my house and work and called me daily. I had not learned anything and thought he hadn't either. A few months later we got back together and a year later we were married and started a family. Almost 5 years into our marriage he brings it up again? I just wondered if this could be from drinking or does this really still bother him? We have never talked about it before that night.


Asked by Savymom25 at 11:47 AM on Jul. 6, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • yeah, you should address it. sounds like he has been afraid to face his feelings and talk to you about that the whole time. he may be a little more clear headed without the drink but give him the opportunity to get a little closure.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:16 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • my guy brings up the past too. from when we were like 19. i don't get it. the best thing to do is just talk to him about it. let him get his feelings out. also remind him that the past is the past and don't be sucked into any guilt trips.

    Answer by june_kitten at 11:52 AM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • If he brought it up when he was drinking, it still bothers him. Sit down and have a sober conversation with him. Tell him what happened and why you were feeling the way you were at the time. Then tell him how you feel about him now and reassure him that you love him. He was obviously very hurt by your leaving and you need to re-instill his confidence in himself and in you.

    Answer by neebug3766 at 11:52 AM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • I know he was hurt, but I thought we cleared this all up a long time ago. I NEVER think about it so I just assumed he never did either. I guess I will have to have a heart to heart when he isn't drinking. It really hurt to here him talk about it because I never imagined he still thought about it. I love that man so much and I never want him to hurt like that again.

    Comment by Savymom25 (original poster) at 11:58 AM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • Drunk or not .. If he brings it up after six years then it still bothers him. When people are drunk they lose all of their fear and say whatever it is that comes to their mind. It still bothers him if he said it..

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:26 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • Sounds like it still bothers him. I agree with a PP though, bring it up when he is sober and see if you guys can work the situation out

    Answer by soccerchik8287 at 1:35 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • en vino wine there is truth. It may not bother him on a day to day basis, but it's bubbling around in his mind. If I were in your shoes, I'd bring it up when he's sober and give him a wee bit of an out. Like, "Hey babe....the other night when you'd had a few, you brought up the time when we were apart. You seemed pretty upset and I was just wondering if that's something that still bothers you a lot and if there's anything I can do to help?

    Answer by BuddyRoo at 1:50 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • Guys like to bring up the past if they feel they never really dealt with it before...which can be the case since they don't always tend to face things when they need to. Ask him if he wants to discuss it and get past it.

    Answer by rio_burb at 8:41 AM on Jul. 7, 2010