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2 Bumps

I need advice/opinions as to what I should do.

My husband has a son from a previous marriage. The mom walked out of his life when he was 7 months old. I came into their lives when he was 2, so I am the only mom he knows. We found her finally and was attempting to Terminate her rights and me adopt him. Well she showeed for court once and then didnt show anymore and the judge order us to locate her and no more court dates until we find her again. Well things went down hill from there and we withdrew our petition. Well the biological mom is now having her fiance contact me wanting to see him, I told him i can say yes that is his dad's decision but i will talk to him. A part of me says yes that it is the right thing and then another part says no its not. To make things worse, my father in law doesnt want me to adopt and hubby doesnt want to make his dad mad. Any advice, do you think it the right thing to do, if she has really changed???


Asked by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on Jul. 6, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • You need to let your Father-in-law know that you want to make this family official. That you want to have all rights over this child as any biological mother would, because you are the only mother he's ever known. No, the biological mother should NOT see him. She walked out on him when he was seven months old. She doesn't deserve to see him. She is nothing more then a donor and doesn't deserve any contact with this child. She gave birth to this child and had her chance to be a mother to him then.

    If you do not get contact with the mother or she does not show up for a court date again, then file to have her rights forced away from her. She clearly is not wanting to be apart of his life. I garuntee you the only reason she has interest now is because you're trying to adopt. Don't let her see him, because she had her chance and she doesn't deserve a second chance.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:52 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • You should get a lawyer and have any visitation set up through the court before she sees him. That way she can't just take him and leave.

    Answer by AmazingAmanda at 2:26 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • first...what is the FIL's problem with you adopting and why does your dh care so much about what he thinks?

    Answer by shay1130 at 2:23 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • All I can say is be very very cautious with this woman and if you guys decide to let her see your son, supervised visits would be a good idea.

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 2:24 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • I don't understand how a mother can leave their child....end of discussion. It is his decision if he will allow it, and if he does, you need to tread carefully. If she can leave him once, she can do it again. Will it be worth it to deal with his pain if she does leave again?

    Answer by Spazz0828 at 2:25 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • I think this is your hubbys decision but u could help him decide just by talking to him. I wouldn't want her to see him because of what she did. If she can walk out on them when he is 7 months she could also do it again. To me she is an unfit mother. I know i could never do that to my child under any circumstances.

    Answer by giovannismom19 at 2:27 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • If you adopt that means she has no responsibilty of him at all. If your dh is the full legal guardian just leave it at that. I would make the pos mother pay child support before i let her catch a glimpse of the child. Unless you don't want her seeing him period then consider adoption and dont let her see him at all

    Answer by shay1130 at 2:27 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • Well, if it were me, I'd want to adopt him. Why would the grandfather not want that? And his opinion shouldn't come into your families business anyway. That would upset me for my spouse to be siding with his parents, he's an adult with his own family and it's between you and dh and the little boy, not your fil. As for the biological mom wanting to see him now, that's a really hard decision. How old is the little boy now? Is he old enough to make his wishes known? If it were me, I would probably do what I could to adopt him then assess the situation with the biological mom and possibly let her have some visits, but not until I had legal standing so that I could protect him from getting hurt. Idk, what a difficult situation. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, and best of luck with everything. I'd be afraid she'd try to take him back now though after all this time.

    Answer by AshleyBDG at 2:28 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • If she has changed, sure she should see him. Our step sons must have the same bio mother. She stuck around until he was 4 months old, left for 8 months (came back at his 1st b-day), involved for 3 weeks, left again for 9months, came back for mothers day, left for 4 months involved for about 5 months then said she never wanted to see him again. So far, we have been unable to contact her. She changed her number. We are about to sever her rights but the judge already hates her for not showing up to any of the 4 custody hearings (we gave her time after time to come and say her piece) This judge would probably only need the proof we looked for her, but we are about to start the same battle with severance and adoption. Good luck! Maybe give her one more chance to prove herself. Unfortuantely my son still remembers her and since she left all I can tell him is that she loves him very much but she is very busy.

    Answer by ABusyBee at 2:30 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • u have to make sure the child would be safe with her and u could even supervise the visit at first but u and ur husband should talk about that does he want his kid around her? and as for ue fatherinlaw if that is what u and ur husband want then dont worry if he gets mad good luck

    Answer by shannonsmom555 at 2:30 PM on Jul. 6, 2010