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What to do about out of control 20 year old son

we are at our wits end with our 20 year old. He is dealing drugs, staying out all night and running with at least one dangerous person. I am scared he will end up dead or in jail. He does nothing but these things, no job or school. I don't think he'll go to counseling. He has a good family and used to be an honor student. its very sad

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:54 PM on Jul. 6, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (25)
  • Kick him out. He's an adult and no longer your responsibility

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 2:55 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • let him end up in jail. he will see he doesnt like it and hopefully stop.

    Answer by jennifer588 at 2:57 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • He needs to be in a rehab. its his only chance. Going to jail is no answer either.He needs to be where he can get some help.I know first hand...I lost my oldest son ...when he was 26 and had been through all of this... he died of an o.d. its too late when they are dead.

    Answer by Cochise at 2:58 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • jail doesn't stop them

    Answer by Cochise at 2:59 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • He'll only be able to engage in that behavior if someone is supporting him. He won't take responsibility for his life and his actions until he has to. It doesn't matter what YOU do, he is making the desicisons & he has to experience the consequences in order to learn from his mistakes.


    Answer by UpSheRises at 3:00 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • Sometimes you just have to let your kids screw up before you can help them fly right. If he gets into trouble, don't rush to bail him out. Let him sit and think about why he's sitting behind bars if the time comes to that. It's sad but sometimes it's what's needed.

    Answer by GothicMommy3 at 3:02 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • thank you all, my husband and I have discussed all these things in depth. a counselor told us to get him into rehab before he turned 19 but we didnt and of course unless he goes willingly we cant force him. i will talk to my husband about having a meeting with my son and discussing rehab. the second best option i think is to kick him out. its getting dangerous for all of us being in this situation. we have tried taking things away, cars, drugs, all to no avail. i don't think jail stops them either Cochise, and i'm sorry about your loss.

    Answer by petunia7 at 3:07 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • I feel better just being able to talk to someone about this

    Answer by petunia7 at 3:10 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • I'd try counseling- but if he won't go then he won't go.
    sorry, but he's a adult now- there may be nothing you can do.

    I hope it works out for him though.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 3:15 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • They don't get ANY help in jail Petunia. A lot of times it just teaches them how to do more things that are wrong.Of course they don't like it there but in no way does it help the problem.What money they put into keeping them in jail would be put to so much better use if they were made to go to mandatory rehab.That can be done too through a judge if he gets in trouble with the law. Talk to a lawyer.I went through this same kind of thing for 10 years...if you ever need someone to talk can send me an email. I understand.Thanks for your kind words.

    Answer by Cochise at 3:36 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

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