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How do i comfort someone who has just lost a child

When I was 16 I got pregnant, went through the whole pregnancy healthfully only to have complications during delivery which ended in a csection and my son passing away 2 days later. Recently a friend of mine (who i talk to sometimes on facebook but i haven't seen her in yrs) posted on her facebook page about her son who was born prematurely in may had just passed away. I feel for her and i know the pain shes going through but i dont want to make it seem like i just want to talk about me and my experience but at the same time i want to let her know shes not alone and that i feel her pain. How do i comfort her and tell her i understand without sounding self centered? TIA

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lovelyli217

Asked by lovelyli217 at 3:55 PM on Jul. 6, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 12 (759 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I think I would send her a message expressing your condolences and gently remind her that you have been in her situation before and are there to talk if she wants to. Then, if she would like to hear more about what happened to you, you can tell her, but you aren't "forcing" it upon her without being sure she wants to hear it so soon after her child's passing.
    cjsjellybean

    Answer by cjsjellybean at 3:57 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • I had a friend recently who miscarried and - similar to your situation - we have not seen each other outside of FB in many years. I just sent her a message (private, of course) telling her that I was still here for her if she needed someone to reach out to. I also told her that I had miscarried a few years back (we weren't in contact then) and that it had been every bit as painful as my actual childbirths had been (something she commented on was how she was not expecting to have all the cramping, etc. that a full-on birth would have had.) I did tell her too that I would pray for her, but that I would not be hurt at all if she told me to butt out. I hope this helps some - it is such a hard thing to be there for a friend when you're farther away, but so important to keep that community.
    tillie2

    Answer by tillie2 at 4:00 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • I think just sending her a message telling her that you understand and you are there if she wants to talk would be a nice gesture.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 4:00 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • If you lived closer you could visit and be a good listener for her. Since you don't , send her a message every so often that you are thinking of her and offer to help in any way. Everyone grieves differently and it can take a long time, as you know.. I am sorry for her loss.......and yours.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 4:04 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • You will not sound self centered. She posted her information on facebook so that means she is trying to reach out to friends for support. Contact her.
    suzzeee

    Answer by suzzeee at 4:08 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • Don't be so concern about how she will perceive you and reach out to her, tell her you had a similar situstion without too much detail unless she asks then tell her, you know that in such a situation words really don't help only time will.
    older

    Answer by older at 7:23 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

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