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the problem part 2 not wanting to speak to a therapist

yesterday night i set up for my husband and i to speak to a religious therapist and he said absolutely no! he said he wansn;t gonna tell anyone our problems. he also told me that he has given alot to this relationship and feels he needs to do no more. he said that he has always been kind of cold and doesn't plan to change and for me to interpret it which ever way i choose!. well i told him that to me it's sounds like if he wants out but he says he doesn't. then he just went to bed like if we did'nt have any conversation, did;nt try to make me feel more secure or loved. He also never says he loves me. Ususally in a birthday he gives me money and hugs me and gives me a kiss on the chick. Our sex life if good but he usually doesn't kiss me or cuddle. just straight to the point. I am starting to feel dirty like a prostitute not like a loved wife. today i've been thinking alot and getting the nerve just to ask for the divorce. if he truly loved me he would do anyting to avoid that.

 
vvivianlove

Asked by vvivianlove at 2:15 PM on Jun. 28, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (5)
  • hes got some issues, remember they are his issues. you have copability in the situation as well. You should figure out what that is and do your best to "fix" you. Maybe him seeing you make the effort will get him to attemp to "fix" himself.
    electricblue

    Answer by electricblue at 11:52 PM on Jun. 28, 2008

  • This is difficult. Remember, even if he doesn't want to go to a therapist there's no harm in your going. It could help with some things. Personally it sounds like he's being a jerk. Anyone should be willing to do what they can for the ones they love.
    amethystrse

    Answer by amethystrse at 2:19 PM on Jun. 28, 2008

  • I see a therapist my so is verbally abusive and he just recently started going with me. It took him alot to warm up to the idea and alot of me motivating him.. If you wantto talk about it pm me...
    Wassybear

    Answer by Wassybear at 3:57 PM on Jun. 28, 2008

  • He may be having something go on in his own world that he isn't sharing with you. My ex husband learned really quickly that I won't always be there. I left him for a trial separation and within days he was begging me to come home. Our situation was different than your's but he had gotten really distant in that way also. He did that when he was cheating on me.
    HeatherTurner

    Answer by HeatherTurner at 4:47 PM on Jun. 28, 2008

  • I date a man like that and having an intimate relationship isn't an easy task. Ok it's impossible since he thinks he's being intimate by walking in the door and I want cuddlying and kissing, etc. Not gonna happen. I can't change him so I decided to change how I felt about his behavior. I started reading about passive aggressive men and how to live with them. It has helped me so much. Every once in a while I'll tell him to throw me a bone (feelings wise) and let me know all is well. otherwise I have to assume. He says as long as he keeps showing up then we are fine. That's not enough some days but it's all I have and at this point I am willing to accept it. It's been two yrs now. I'm adapting. It is a matter of what you can accept. Don't threaten him with leaving, just tell him how you feel and what you need. See if he is willing to compromise. Mine would not. I still love him enough to stay.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:18 PM on Jun. 28, 2008

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