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4 Bumps

advice column letter on 'unauthorized DNA test'

Just read a letter to a advice column stating that a woman that went on a cruise with her hubby came home to find out that her MIL had gotten a DNA test done on their son to determine paternity- (he was staying with grandma)
MIL gleefully showed the results to her son.
Yeah, MIL's grandson is not biologically her son's child, and he knew it. They used a donor since he couldn't have kids.

so, would you kick grandma out of your life like mom wants to, or would you keep her around?
Dad is mad, but doesn't want to kick mom out of their life.
I imagine he had come to expect stunts like this from mom.

what would you do?
I was appalled to say the least that someone would go so far as to get a DNA test!
would the MIL stay or go?


Asked by ItsMe89 at 6:02 PM on Jul. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,130 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I read that column. I was appalled that Gma would do something like that. Gma apparently doesn't like her DIL too much. To happily try to show her son proof that his wife was cheating.

    While I understand their anger and resentment, I also understand not wanting to kick Gma out of their life. I think that if they keep Gma in their lives, there needs to be some strict ground rules.

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:06 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • Grandma has some control issues. She might need some therapy to deal with this. Kicking mom out of the lives of the family is harsh. In her eyes, I think, she was protecting her son. She didn't know there was honesty and openness in his marriage. She needs some tender loving care and therapy, lots and lots of therapy.

    Answer by jesse123456 at 6:06 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • Well, here's the thing... Gma was clearly wrong to have an unauthorized test done on the child.

    My guess is that the baby doesn't look at all like her son so she questioned it.
    I can understand not telling everyone that you used a donor, but if he had told his own mother it might have nipped this issue in the bud.

    Seems to me that the family has issues with openess that are causing more trouble than it's worth.

    Answer by Niki_sd at 6:11 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • i would keep her around that way she could spend the rest of her life kissing my ass

    Answer by shay1130 at 6:07 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • OMG! I would meet on neatral ground for supervised visits.

    Answer by mommawhite08 at 6:05 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • I would probably sue her and the facility that took the sample. It is illegal to consent for care without a legal standing. It was illegal for the facility to administer the test without proff she was Mom. or a court order. I would be past pissed. She would not see my family for a very,very long time. That was an enormous violation of trust.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 6:06 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • If I was the wife, I would be highly PISSED! If I was the dad, I'd be pissed and embarrassed. If I was the grandma, I would be REALLY embarrassed.

    Grandma pried where she shouldn't have. However, cutting off the relationship should be up to the dad, it's his mom.

    As mom, I would not allow grandma to babysit anymore, nor would I ever trust the woman again. But would go by dad's wishes otherwise.

    Answer by mancosmomma at 6:08 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • "i would keep her around that way she could spend the rest of her life kissing my ass "

    LOL! If I could, I would too! I expect some BIG presents at Christmas, and maybe the baby can get grandma to set up a nice, fat college fund! LOL

    Answer by mancosmomma at 6:10 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • I agree with what some others have said about maybe Gma just couldn't understand why her grandson didn't look like her dad and it was bugging her so much that she went and did the test. Maybe she was out of line but also maybe she was just protecting her son...who wouldn't protect their child?

    If I was the DIL I would forgive her and move on. I would be upset but I would be understanding. I don't cut family members out I think working through problems and issues are important and sets a good example for children - instead of just cutting a person out when they do something that at first seems nasty but really on thinking about it may have been more likely coming from a good place.

    Answer by keyaziz at 6:17 PM on Jul. 6, 2010

  • Bye bye Gma

    Answer by nappeal at 6:37 PM on Jul. 6, 2010