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4 Bumps

Help.

My husband. Keeps going off the deep in and yelling at me for no reason. I hate it. Please don't tell me to leave him that isn't going to help. My 4 year old is starting to be scared of him....what to do. and no he wont go to therapy because theres nothing wrong with him. his words

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Jul. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Well I guess I would sit down and try and have an adult conversation with him. Tell him that the way he is yelling is hurting you and negatively affecting your family. Tell him you know he is a good dad but that his 4 year old is scared of him, and that you know he doesn't want that. Ask him if you can come up with a plan together to try and get things back on track. Then try and help him stick to the plan. Good luck!
    emilex

    Answer by emilex at 12:17 AM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • knock him out ...then when he comes to, talk calmly and ask him if he is ready to behave like a man and not a little boy anymore... repeat as necessary!!!! Hunny you can put up with what you want but if he is scarring your child that is steppin over the line with me! GL hun use your momma bear guts!
    hotrodmomma

    Answer by hotrodmomma at 12:19 AM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • he wont change unless he wants to. show him a re run of maury with the guys who control their families.
    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 12:32 AM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • If he will sit down with you and have a civil conversation that would be my first option if I was in your shoes. If not, I would ignore him and tell him that when he is ready to talk things out like grown ups, then we can talk...until then he would be on his own. This is what I would do. Good Luck and I hope you guys, together can find the root of his frustrations and why he is so snappy lately.
    vickwu

    Answer by vickwu at 12:33 AM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • Don't have sex with him anymore until he agrees to try or go to counseling. You're not punishing him by doing this. You're simply drawing a boundary for yourself that says, "There is no reason for my to make myself physically, emotionally, and sexually vulnerable to a man who is not safe."

    As one of the PPs mentioned, you have the choice to put up with what you will. If you're determined not to leave this man, you may have to put up with worse.
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 12:37 AM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • If this abuse is also physical.... LEAVE NOW!!!!!!

    If it is a verbal bad temper and do have mutual love,, then you have something to work with. It does not matter if he thinks there is a problem.... if you or your child feel stressed or frightened, there is a problem.... his agreement not needed. Many guys have tempers.... good guys feel terrible if they frighten someone they love. If when he is calm he is open to hearing that you/son are affraid, you should discuss anger management... or simply pick up your son and leave every time he gets like this and say../ "call me when you are calm enough to discuss your frustrations". Even if you wait in your car or walk around Target... do not stay. and YOU must stay calm.... if you want to change the pattern of your life
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 12:50 AM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • Go to your library and check out a book on dealing with an emotionally abusive spouse. There are a lot of books out there with great advise. Even if he wont go to counseling, you could go for yourself. A counselor wont just tell you to leave, they'll try to help you deal with what you are going through and will be there at least to listen when you need to talk and offer advice
    soccerchik8287

    Answer by soccerchik8287 at 1:16 AM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • Well, you said not to tell you to leave him, but that's what you should do. I am divorcing my husband because of this and my 3 year old (at the time, he's 5 now) had to fight his father back and I thought that this should never happen. I was so sad for my son to feel that he had to stand up to his father like that. They are better now, but really because my STBX is afraid to lose my son now that we're divorcing. He wouldn't get help and said there was no problem, so I started counseling for myself and I realized how I hated how I felt, how my son felt (because he would tell me things) and I knew I was the only one that could do something about it. I didn't want my son to hate or disrespect me later in life for not taking care of him when he surely needed me to step in and remove him from an emotionally abusive situation.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 8:27 AM on Jul. 7, 2010

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