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Touchy situation - No bashing please...

I have a 5 yr old DD and my SO is not bio dad. I am also pregnant (8 weeks) My SO told me that he doesn't think he can provide financially for a family of 4 (even though I work) and he is worried that he won't be a good parent. He doesn't want me to have the baby...

My question is NOT whether I should have the baby - I already know the answer to that.

My SO is a father-figure to my DD and the ONLY fulltime one she has. (Her bio dad is a flake) My SO is so worried about being a good parent to the point that he wants me to get an abortion, but why isn't he worried about being a good parent with my DD? He already is kind of a parent... He does try with her and mostly does a good job. Someone please explain his thought pattern to me, I am really confused and worried that he doesn't care about being a parent to my DD.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on Jul. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • It's different with your DD...if the relationship doesn't work out between the 2 of you, he has no ties to your DD but with the baby, it's something that he can't ever walk away from. He is scared.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 4:22 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • If u want that baby then keep it, if u do get an abortion when u really wanted that baby u will be sad forever about it....

    Answer by DeeMarie87 at 4:22 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • I think this is normal. He is stressing about providing. Women are instinctual nurturers and care givers. Men are instinctual Hunter Gatherer, provider. Some people evolved out of the loop but it seems like your SO hasn't. He knows it will be his responsibility to make sure the family is okay with money when you first have the baby. I think you too should sit down and have a heart to heart to discuss options with finances and to reassure him that he can be a great father if he wants to be. ANd you believe in him. Men are fragile too so just reassure him.

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 4:24 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • sounds like he is worried for $ reasons
    and this one will be his totally and always his $ responsibility

    normal for a man to freak out
    try to give me some space, some support as "you are a great dad already to ___
    maybe he will come around, maybe he will not

    mine was this way, i almost left him, he is now a great dad to our child, but he freaked out, and he was already a dad to two older

    Answer by fiatpax at 4:25 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • Not to be rude, but why in the world do you have a child with one guy who is a flake and now are pregnant with another guy who doesn't want you to have a baby?

    My advice is pick a better man.

    Answer by FatGirl239 at 4:25 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • normal? hmm not sure its quite normal for SO/DH to ask their spouse/SO to get an abortion. but i digress . . i can understand him being afraid. .. i know my DH was too. Just talk to him & reassure him it will work out.

    Answer by ColtsFan1912 at 4:26 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • maybe the fact that he isnt the bio father is the reason why he isnt worried he can walk out whenever he wants no complication no nothing even though ur dd cares for him he really has no reason to stay if he wanted to go and u haven a child thats his well that means hes obligated and if he left he would be abandoning his child .. ps. im pro choice what ever u decide is best for u is always the best choice .. Ps.. if he didnt want the responsibility of a family he should have considerd a condom or maybe birth control :) good luck and i say a man like that Needs to be kicked to the curb u diserve someone who wants a family with u not some dude whos scared and rather u go get an abortion than be a father

    Answer by ChellaWella at 4:27 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • Does he not think he will be a good father, or does he feel he won't be able to provide for a new child? These are really two different issues. It's normal to feel that you won't measure up as a parent when your expecting - even if you already have children. Children are expensive so it's normal to stress about the added expenses. Neither means he will be a bad father; They are just indicators that he is thinking ahead. If he is worried about the commitment, however, that is a whole different set of circumstances, which you are already familiar with because of your daughter's bio dad.

    Answer by Linds2Horse at 4:27 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • may be that even though your dd sees him as father figure he does not have to make the same parenting decsions that you do. you primarily make the life decision for her and he is afraid having to be a full time bio father.


    Answer by karglynn at 4:27 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • I just think that he is panicking and hopefully it will pass. The whole idea of him being the actual father of a child may be spooking him. Lets all remember that men are actually babies that never grew up. So, You have already made your decision to have your baby so just play it cool. Don't make a big issue about how HE feels. Just ignore him and give him time to wrap his mind around the whole idea. If he's worthy he will stay. If not, you have a beautiful baby to look forward to. Either way he/she is coming no matter what he says or does. He'll probably just relax after a while, just give him time. Sometimes it's like a panic reaction to just run away but in time you realize what is important. That's my opinion, whether I am right is another story. Good Luck and stay cool (temperature wise too)!


    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 4:27 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

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